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Pets: The Wild Kind


Just because we moved out to the country a couple years back does NOT mean we want to run a farm. Tending to animals is just not how we want to spend our time. We don't want cows or sheep or chickens. We don't want hogs or ducks. We don't even want a dog or a cat to train.

OK, so my wife says that she wants a cat, but that's only because she knows I won't have anything to do with it. I suspect that if I ever said, "OK, you win. Let's get a cat", she would run screaming down the stairs pulling at her hair and just keep on running... causing damage to the stairway carpet, not to mention the window at the bottom of the staircase.

We don't want a parrot or a rabbit or a hamster or even a mouse.

But when you live in the country, you have pets, whether you like it or not.

The first summer, we were welcomed by Muffet the skunk. Although she never responded to that name, we let her keep it. She just loved our compost heap. In fact, she had a frequent-eater pass at the all-you-can-eat compost buffet.

The second summer we were skunk-free, but this summer we were blessed with a new traveling perfume salesman. We did not name him, but we have determined that he is on a diet. He stays away from the all-you-can-eat compost buffet.

He is also much less intelligent than Muffet. When we see him, we jump and shout and wave our hands to get his attention,. But we usually have to get his attention three or four times before something in his microbe-sized brain clicks in and says, "Wait a minute. That's not the hot dog vendor beckoning me to clean up his leftovers. Maybe I should turn around."

But he is smart enough provide a two-tier burglar deterent. First, he drives them away with his odor. "Peee-ew. Let's go rob the Jensons down the road." Second he digs thousands of tiny pits all over the lawn to trip any burglar foolish enough to try to escape.

And to answer your question, no I did not personally verify the gender of these skunks. But you are free to check if you doubt my word.

This summer, we discovered an exotic spider (See http://www.vitamin-supplements-store.net/spider.html). Painted on its inch-long black back are two bright yellow eyes. Spooky. We even watched it wrap its prey - a small, light brown flying thingy. With amazing speed, the spider scurried from the center of her web toward the helpless victim at least a foot away. Then in a matter of two seconds flat, the spider spun the fly around three or four times, weaving it into a web cocoon like rolling a corpse in a carpet behind Luigi's Fine Finer and Smokes. No gangster could have operated with one tenth the speed.

Just a few hours ago, I was proud to show off a bees nest over a foot tall hanging from a low branch in our One Acre Woods.

"Wow. It's just like in Winnie the Pooh!" That was Little Lady, now 3 years and 3 months old.

"Destroy it. There must be thousands of bees in there!" That was my wife.

The fact is that I have had to destroy four bees nests in the past three weeks, all between the stones in our foundation. I am not keen to drive the bees away from their forest nest and toward the house. In fact, I think I'll post an arrow sign near the house pointing to the forest: "Cheap rent. Spacious hive. Vibrant community."

So far, we've avoided the pets inside the house - we won't discuss the "storm trooper ants incident" or the midnight mouse-trap peanut-butter visits - and we have kept the hogs and sheep at bay (although the chickens sheepishly crawl through the fence and the stray cats like to run hog wild around our land).

No pets, perhaps. But you still have to share your space with skunks and spiders and bees when you live in the country.

Coming soon to a humor column near you: How I adopted 14,673 cluster flies on a Tuesday afternoon....without even breaking into a sweat.

About The Author

David Leonhardt publishes The Happy Guy humor column.

Visit his home page: http://www.thehappyguy.com

David is owner of The Liquid Vitamin Supplements Store: http://www.vitamin-supplements-store.net

[email protected]


TODAYS NEWS BY OFFICEJAX FREE ADVERTISING AND AD EXCHANGE SOLUTIONSMORE PETS INFORMATION RESOURCES updated Tue. March / 19 / 2024

Experts warn deadly threat to pets is sweeping across the United States - New York Post
Experts warn deadly threat to pets is sweeping across the United States  New York Post

A Psychologist Explains The Appeal Of ‘Pet Parenting’ For Child-Free Couples - Forbes
A Psychologist Explains The Appeal Of ‘Pet Parenting’ For Child-Free Couples  Forbes

Geckos are allowed in Topeka; ostriches aren't. Rules of exotic pets. - The Topeka Capital-Journal
Geckos are allowed in Topeka; ostriches aren't. Rules of exotic pets.  The Topeka Capital-Journal

Peanut, Winchester & Bandit Adorable & Adoptable–Pets of the Week: Peanut, Winchester & Bandit - SweetwaterNOW
Peanut, Winchester & Bandit Adorable & Adoptable–Pets of the Week: Peanut, Winchester & Bandit  SweetwaterNOW

Caring for pets under boil water notice - WZZM13.com
Caring for pets under boil water notice  WZZM13.com

Residents, pets safe after fire starts in Colorado Springs home - KKTV
Residents, pets safe after fire starts in Colorado Springs home  KKTV

Overworked South Koreans Unwind With Pet Rocks—'Like Talking to Your Dog' - The Wall Street Journal
Overworked South Koreans Unwind With Pet Rocks—'Like Talking to Your Dog'  The Wall Street Journal

Angry Orange Pet Odor Eliminator is on sale at Amazon - Yahoo Life
Angry Orange Pet Odor Eliminator is on sale at Amazon  Yahoo Life

The pet I’ll never forget: Tiggy the serial killer, who ruled the house with naked menace - The Guardian
The pet I’ll never forget: Tiggy the serial killer, who ruled the house with naked menace  The Guardian

Woman asks Wrangell to certify people who can euthanize pets - Alaska Public Media News
Woman asks Wrangell to certify people who can euthanize pets  Alaska Public Media News

Pet of the Week: 2024 pets - WTOP
Pet of the Week: 2024 pets  WTOP

2nd Chance Pets: Yvette and Georgette - WNDU
2nd Chance Pets: Yvette and Georgette  WNDU

Common household items deadly to pets - WFLA
Common household items deadly to pets  WFLA

Pets of the Week: Oliver and Jimmie - WIFR
Pets of the Week: Oliver and Jimmie  WIFR

It Is National Poison Prevention Week; Make Sure Your Pets Are Also Protected - Elmore Autauga News
It Is National Poison Prevention Week; Make Sure Your Pets Are Also Protected  Elmore Autauga News

Adopt a Pet in Alexandria: Meet Molly - The Zebra
Adopt a Pet in Alexandria: Meet Molly  The Zebra

Arizona Humane Society sees increased pet surrenders due to high living costs - Arizona's Family
Arizona Humane Society sees increased pet surrenders due to high living costs  Arizona's Family

Flagler Humane Society's Pets of the Week for March 18 - Palm Coast Observer and Ormond Beach Observer
Flagler Humane Society's Pets of the Week for March 18  Palm Coast Observer and Ormond Beach Observer

Live learning for your clients: Pets and mental health - American Veterinary Medical Association
Live learning for your clients: Pets and mental health  American Veterinary Medical Association

How Pet Tech Company Petcube Is Making Pet Parenting More Accessible To Every Human - Forbes
How Pet Tech Company Petcube Is Making Pet Parenting More Accessible To Every Human  Forbes

Pets benefit mental health of owners in the U.S., poll reveals - VeterinaryPracticeNews.com
Pets benefit mental health of owners in the U.S., poll reveals  VeterinaryPracticeNews.com

East Bay pets of the week for March 22 - East Bay Times
East Bay pets of the week for March 22  East Bay Times

North Springs Veterinary Referral Center is here for your pets 24/7 - FOX21News.com
North Springs Veterinary Referral Center is here for your pets 24/7  FOX21News.com

PETS OF THE WEEK | Local News | hjnews.com - The Herald Journal
PETS OF THE WEEK | Local News | hjnews.com  The Herald Journal

Paws for Charity at Hope For Life Rescue saving pets like Winter the cat - 13newsnow.com WVEC
Paws for Charity at Hope For Life Rescue saving pets like Winter the cat  13newsnow.com WVEC

Protecting Your Pet: Essential Tips for National Poison Prevention Week - - BladenOnline.com
Protecting Your Pet: Essential Tips for National Poison Prevention Week -  BladenOnline.com

Mass Immigration Harms Rare Animals, Livestock and even Family Pets | FAIRUS.org - Federation for American Immigration Reform
Mass Immigration Harms Rare Animals, Livestock and even Family Pets | FAIRUS.org  Federation for American Immigration Reform

Putnam County mobile home catches on fire, killing pets inside - WOWK 13 News
Putnam County mobile home catches on fire, killing pets inside  WOWK 13 News

Pets of the Week - Kitten and Dandelion - City of Arlington
Pets of the Week - Kitten and Dandelion  City of Arlington

Mom charged after son’s pets found dead in Newton Township - WYTV
Mom charged after son’s pets found dead in Newton Township  WYTV

Pets of the Week: March 18, 2024 – Shaw Local - Shaw Local News Network
Pets of the Week: March 18, 2024 – Shaw Local  Shaw Local News Network

WNCT.com’s Best of Pets: King - WNCT
WNCT.com’s Best of Pets: King  WNCT

Many plants can be toxic to pets. Read this list before starting your spring gardening. - NOLA.com
Many plants can be toxic to pets. Read this list before starting your spring gardening.  NOLA.com

Pets of the Week - ClarksvilleNow.com - Clarksville Now
Pets of the Week - ClarksvilleNow.com  Clarksville Now

Paws & Pals: 4 dogs up for adoption at Posh Pets Rescue - News 12 Long Island
Paws & Pals: 4 dogs up for adoption at Posh Pets Rescue  News 12 Long Island

Standard Journal Pets of the Week for the Wednesday, March 20, 2024 edition - Northwest Georgia News
Standard Journal Pets of the Week for the Wednesday, March 20, 2024 edition  Northwest Georgia News

Pets in proposal pics could win you $1,000! | Lifestyle | koamnewsnow.com - KoamNewsNow.com
Pets in proposal pics could win you $1,000! | Lifestyle | koamnewsnow.com  KoamNewsNow.com

Pet of the Week: Sashola - Fox 10 News
Pet of the Week: Sashola  Fox 10 News

HSSM receives grant from PetSmart charities to help more adoptable pets find families in Harrison County - WXXV News 25
HSSM receives grant from PetSmart charities to help more adoptable pets find families in Harrison County  WXXV News 25

Desert Cat Rescue Cat of the Week | Pets | eacourier.com - Eastern Arizona Courier
Desert Cat Rescue Cat of the Week | Pets | eacourier.com  Eastern Arizona Courier

'Help keep their pets': Niagara SPCA opens new grooming salon 'Oh My Fur' - WKBW 7 News Buffalo
'Help keep their pets': Niagara SPCA opens new grooming salon 'Oh My Fur'  WKBW 7 News Buffalo

Spartanburg veterinarians offer urgent care option for pet owners - WYFF4 Greenville
Spartanburg veterinarians offer urgent care option for pet owners  WYFF4 Greenville

PetSmart Charities Teams Up with Hill's Pet Nutrition for National Adoption Week, Celebrating 30 Years of Pet Adoptions - StreetInsider.com
PetSmart Charities Teams Up with Hill's Pet Nutrition for National Adoption Week, Celebrating 30 Years of Pet Adoptions  StreetInsider.com

Common domestic pets in Australia responsible for 53% of injury hospitalizations in 2021–22 - News-Medical.Net
Common domestic pets in Australia responsible for 53% of injury hospitalizations in 2021–22  News-Medical.Net

Pets of the Week | Online Features | tampabeacon.com - Tampa Beacon
Pets of the Week | Online Features | tampabeacon.com  Tampa Beacon

Spring Hill Fire Department Commended in Saving Pets During Apartment Fire - Maury County Source
Spring Hill Fire Department Commended in Saving Pets During Apartment Fire  Maury County Source

Pet of the week: Meet Angel - KEVN
Pet of the week: Meet Angel  KEVN

Pets of the Week | Featured Content | suncoastnews.com - Suncoast News
Pets of the Week | Featured Content | suncoastnews.com  Suncoast News

Exotic pet surrender event coming Saturday | Local News | channel3000.com - Channel3000.com - WISC-TV3
Exotic pet surrender event coming Saturday | Local News | channel3000.com  Channel3000.com - WISC-TV3

Pets at Home Group (LON:PETS) Hits New 1-Year Low at $251.00 - MarketBeat
Pets at Home Group (LON:PETS) Hits New 1-Year Low at $251.00  MarketBeat

Pet Care in Spring: Essential Tips - Healthnews.com
Pet Care in Spring: Essential Tips  Healthnews.com

Pets of the Week | Featured Content | suncoastnews.com - Suncoast News
Pets of the Week | Featured Content | suncoastnews.com  Suncoast News

PHOTOS: Gwinnett Animal Shelter Adoptable Pets of the Week — March 18 - Gwinnettdailypost.com
PHOTOS: Gwinnett Animal Shelter Adoptable Pets of the Week — March 18  Gwinnettdailypost.com

Pets of the Week | Pets of the Week - Index-Journal
Pets of the Week | Pets of the Week  Index-Journal

KCBD's Pet of the Day: Meet Levi - KCBD
KCBD's Pet of the Day: Meet Levi  KCBD

KCBD's Pet of the Day: Meet Levi - Lubbock - KCBD
KCBD's Pet of the Day: Meet Levi - Lubbock  KCBD

Midlands Humane Society weekly pet adoption column - The Daily Nonpareil
Midlands Humane Society weekly pet adoption column  The Daily Nonpareil

PetSmart Charities Teams Up with Hill's Pet Nutrition for National Adoption Week, Celebrating 30 Years of Pet Adoptions - PR Newswire
PetSmart Charities Teams Up with Hill's Pet Nutrition for National Adoption Week, Celebrating 30 Years of Pet Adoptions  PR Newswire

Meatly creates first cultivated-meat cat food - PetfoodIndustry.com
Meatly creates first cultivated-meat cat food  PetfoodIndustry.com

Petsmart’s Arcadia Trail Collection Empowers Pet Parents + Pets To explore With Confidence - SGB Media
Petsmart’s Arcadia Trail Collection Empowers Pet Parents + Pets To explore With Confidence  SGB Media

Cat Fakes 'Broken Paw' to Get Attention Like a True Diva - Parade Pets
Cat Fakes 'Broken Paw' to Get Attention Like a True Diva  Parade Pets

Cherished FurEver Pet Crematory Fulfilling Community Needs With Compassionate Care - The Chattanoogan
Cherished FurEver Pet Crematory Fulfilling Community Needs With Compassionate Care  The Chattanoogan

New Mexico Living Pet Pics Monday, March 18 - KRQE News 13
New Mexico Living Pet Pics Monday, March 18  KRQE News 13

How your pet may react to the solar eclipse - WWTI - InformNNY.com
How your pet may react to the solar eclipse  WWTI - InformNNY.com

All pets (and humans) welcome: Mid-Michigan Pet Expo returns to Flint - MLive.com
All pets (and humans) welcome: Mid-Michigan Pet Expo returns to Flint  MLive.com

Adopted dog travels in style to new home after spending 587 days at Euclid shelter: Ready Pet GO! - WKYC.com
Adopted dog travels in style to new home after spending 587 days at Euclid shelter: Ready Pet GO!  WKYC.com

4 pet food trends I'll be tracking at Global Pet Expo 2024 - PetfoodIndustry.com
4 pet food trends I'll be tracking at Global Pet Expo 2024  PetfoodIndustry.com

Pet benefits new employee benefit trend | EBA - Employee Benefit News
Pet benefits new employee benefit trend | EBA  Employee Benefit News

Vying for the title of ‘America’s Favorite Pet,’ this pup from Hawaii needs your vote to win - Hawaii News Now
Vying for the title of ‘America’s Favorite Pet,’ this pup from Hawaii needs your vote to win  Hawaii News Now

Police take away man's 750-pound pet alligator - Deseret News
Police take away man's 750-pound pet alligator  Deseret News

CHA Pet of the Week: Shiner | Local News | azdailysun.com - Arizona Daily Sun
CHA Pet of the Week: Shiner | Local News | azdailysun.com  Arizona Daily Sun

Pet of the Week - Asher | March 18, 2024 | wqad.com - WQAD Moline
Pet of the Week - Asher | March 18, 2024 | wqad.com  WQAD Moline

The District Vet: What is It A Pet Emergency? - Hill Rag
The District Vet: What is It A Pet Emergency?  Hill Rag

State bill aims to stop puppy mills from selling to pet stores - Toledo Blade
State bill aims to stop puppy mills from selling to pet stores  Toledo Blade

It's Illegal To Have This Dog Breed As A Pet In Illinois - B100
It's Illegal To Have This Dog Breed As A Pet In Illinois  B100

How to Keep Pets Safe During an Eclipse: An Animal Behavior Expert Weighs In - PEOPLE
How to Keep Pets Safe During an Eclipse: An Animal Behavior Expert Weighs In  PEOPLE

Clarksville Area Pets of the Week for March 18th, 2024 - Clarksville Online
Clarksville Area Pets of the Week for March 18th, 2024  Clarksville Online

Pet of the Day: Cleveland | Pet of the Day | nbcrightnow.com - NBC Right Now
Pet of the Day: Cleveland | Pet of the Day | nbcrightnow.com  NBC Right Now

How to stop ants from repeatedly swarming a cat food bowl in an Inverness home - The Mercury News
How to stop ants from repeatedly swarming a cat food bowl in an Inverness home  The Mercury News

'Petflation' slows, but numbers remain high - PetfoodIndustry.com
'Petflation' slows, but numbers remain high  PetfoodIndustry.com

Pet Owners Warned to Watch for Concerning Behavior - Newsweek
Pet Owners Warned to Watch for Concerning Behavior  Newsweek

New Safe Haven Will be First of its Kind in Minnesota - 106.9 KROC
New Safe Haven Will be First of its Kind in Minnesota  106.9 KROC

More puppies stolen from Thornton pet store - FOX 31 Denver
More puppies stolen from Thornton pet store  FOX 31 Denver

Arizona Shelters Reach Breaking Point as Spike in Pet Surrenders Linked to Rising Living Costs - Hoodline
Arizona Shelters Reach Breaking Point as Spike in Pet Surrenders Linked to Rising Living Costs  Hoodline

How the pet food market is responding to today’s hybrid definition of value - SmartBrief
How the pet food market is responding to today’s hybrid definition of value  SmartBrief

Scammers Targeting Owners Of Lost Pets, Claiming To Be Escambia Shelter - NorthEscambia.com
Scammers Targeting Owners Of Lost Pets, Claiming To Be Escambia Shelter  NorthEscambia.com

Pet of the Week: Frack, a Great Dane - WKRG News 5
Pet of the Week: Frack, a Great Dane  WKRG News 5

Pet of the week: Meet Angel - KEVN
Pet of the week: Meet Angel  KEVN

Can a Serval Cat Kill a Human? They're Still Wild Animals - Green Matters
Can a Serval Cat Kill a Human? They're Still Wild Animals  Green Matters

Man chases after pet parrot and stumbles off ‘steep cliff,’ California officials say - Sacramento Bee
Man chases after pet parrot and stumbles off ‘steep cliff,’ California officials say  Sacramento Bee

News13 Pet of the Weekend: Tato - WBTW
News13 Pet of the Weekend: Tato  WBTW

Calif. pet sitter gets max sentence for systematic killing of family's pets - SFGATE
Calif. pet sitter gets max sentence for systematic killing of family's pets  SFGATE

21 Pet Products To Help With Spring-Induced Problems - BuzzFeed
21 Pet Products To Help With Spring-Induced Problems  BuzzFeed

Pet of the Week: Kudi - KRIS 6 News Corpus Christi
Pet of the Week: Kudi  KRIS 6 News Corpus Christi

As a Financial Planner, I Recommend Pet Insurance to Most Pet Owners - Business Insider
As a Financial Planner, I Recommend Pet Insurance to Most Pet Owners  Business Insider

Pets or Pests? How Australia Tackles its Two Cat Populations - The New York Times
Pets or Pests? How Australia Tackles its Two Cat Populations  The New York Times

Are Essential Oils Safe for Pets? | Wirecutter - The New York Times
Are Essential Oils Safe for Pets? | Wirecutter  The New York Times

Pet of the Week: Remy - MyWabashValley.com
Pet of the Week: Remy  MyWabashValley.com

Tuggle joins Goyang, Yourside in promoting pet-related industries - The Korea Herald
Tuggle joins Goyang, Yourside in promoting pet-related industries  The Korea Herald

Pets of the Week: Bella and Snowbrush both like their naps - MLive.com
Pets of the Week: Bella and Snowbrush both like their naps  MLive.com

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