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Pets: The Wild Kind


Just because we moved out to the country a couple years back does NOT mean we want to run a farm. Tending to animals is just not how we want to spend our time. We don't want cows or sheep or chickens. We don't want hogs or ducks. We don't even want a dog or a cat to train.

OK, so my wife says that she wants a cat, but that's only because she knows I won't have anything to do with it. I suspect that if I ever said, "OK, you win. Let's get a cat", she would run screaming down the stairs pulling at her hair and just keep on running... causing damage to the stairway carpet, not to mention the window at the bottom of the staircase.

We don't want a parrot or a rabbit or a hamster or even a mouse.

But when you live in the country, you have pets, whether you like it or not.

The first summer, we were welcomed by Muffet the skunk. Although she never responded to that name, we let her keep it. She just loved our compost heap. In fact, she had a frequent-eater pass at the all-you-can-eat compost buffet.

The second summer we were skunk-free, but this summer we were blessed with a new traveling perfume salesman. We did not name him, but we have determined that he is on a diet. He stays away from the all-you-can-eat compost buffet.

He is also much less intelligent than Muffet. When we see him, we jump and shout and wave our hands to get his attention,. But we usually have to get his attention three or four times before something in his microbe-sized brain clicks in and says, "Wait a minute. That's not the hot dog vendor beckoning me to clean up his leftovers. Maybe I should turn around."

But he is smart enough provide a two-tier burglar deterent. First, he drives them away with his odor. "Peee-ew. Let's go rob the Jensons down the road." Second he digs thousands of tiny pits all over the lawn to trip any burglar foolish enough to try to escape.

And to answer your question, no I did not personally verify the gender of these skunks. But you are free to check if you doubt my word.

This summer, we discovered an exotic spider (See http://www.vitamin-supplements-store.net/spider.html). Painted on its inch-long black back are two bright yellow eyes. Spooky. We even watched it wrap its prey - a small, light brown flying thingy. With amazing speed, the spider scurried from the center of her web toward the helpless victim at least a foot away. Then in a matter of two seconds flat, the spider spun the fly around three or four times, weaving it into a web cocoon like rolling a corpse in a carpet behind Luigi's Fine Finer and Smokes. No gangster could have operated with one tenth the speed.

Just a few hours ago, I was proud to show off a bees nest over a foot tall hanging from a low branch in our One Acre Woods.

"Wow. It's just like in Winnie the Pooh!" That was Little Lady, now 3 years and 3 months old.

"Destroy it. There must be thousands of bees in there!" That was my wife.

The fact is that I have had to destroy four bees nests in the past three weeks, all between the stones in our foundation. I am not keen to drive the bees away from their forest nest and toward the house. In fact, I think I'll post an arrow sign near the house pointing to the forest: "Cheap rent. Spacious hive. Vibrant community."

So far, we've avoided the pets inside the house - we won't discuss the "storm trooper ants incident" or the midnight mouse-trap peanut-butter visits - and we have kept the hogs and sheep at bay (although the chickens sheepishly crawl through the fence and the stray cats like to run hog wild around our land).

No pets, perhaps. But you still have to share your space with skunks and spiders and bees when you live in the country.

Coming soon to a humor column near you: How I adopted 14,673 cluster flies on a Tuesday afternoon....without even breaking into a sweat.

About The Author

David Leonhardt publishes The Happy Guy humor column.

Visit his home page: http://www.thehappyguy.com

David is owner of The Liquid Vitamin Supplements Store: http://www.vitamin-supplements-store.net

Info@thehappyguy.com


TODAYS NEWS BY OFFICEJAX FREE ADVERTISING AND AD EXCHANGE SOLUTIONSMORE PETS INFORMATION RESOURCES updated Wed. August / 05 / 2020

Dollars and Pets: Protecting your pets from summer dangers - The Mercury News
Dollars and Pets: Protecting your pets from summer dangers  The Mercury News

PETS - THE BLOUNT COUNTIAN
PETS  THE BLOUNT COUNTIAN

San Antonio Pets Alive! places two dogs up for adoption after owner dies of COVID-19 complications - KSAT San Antonio
San Antonio Pets Alive! places two dogs up for adoption after owner dies of COVID-19 complications  KSAT San Antonio

Pet of the Week | Pets | thecrier.net - Dunwoody Crier
Pet of the Week | Pets | thecrier.net  Dunwoody Crier

After months at home, how will pets cope when we go back to work? - New Jersey 101.5 FM Radio
After months at home, how will pets cope when we go back to work?  New Jersey 101.5 FM Radio

Clear The Shelters Cutest Pets Photo Contest 2020 - KXAN.com
Clear The Shelters Cutest Pets Photo Contest 2020  KXAN.com

Brandywine Valley SPCA adopts out more than 100 pets in less than a week - 47abc - WMDT
Brandywine Valley SPCA adopts out more than 100 pets in less than a week - 47abc  WMDT

PCS'ing with Pets: Covid-19 Updates and Guidance - Stripes Japan
PCS'ing with Pets: Covid-19 Updates and Guidance  Stripes Japan

Hot Pets Aren't Cool | News | parkerpioneer.net - Parker Pioneer
Hot Pets Aren't Cool | News | parkerpioneer.net  Parker Pioneer

How to protect your pets from getting lost - WDIV ClickOnDetroit
How to protect your pets from getting lost  WDIV ClickOnDetroit

Pets of the Week: 8-4-2020 – WBKB 11 - WBKB-TV
Pets of the Week: 8-4-2020 – WBKB 11  WBKB-TV

Calling all pets! Here's how to become a KVMR pin-up calendar critter - The Union of Grass Valley
Calling all pets! Here's how to become a KVMR pin-up calendar critter  The Union of Grass Valley

Pets of the week - Chicago Tribune
Pets of the week  Chicago Tribune

Army vet finds peace fostering pets, finding them homes - ArmyTimes.com
Army vet finds peace fostering pets, finding them homes  ArmyTimes.com

Give a good home to one of these North State pets - Redding Record Searchlight
Give a good home to one of these North State pets  Redding Record Searchlight

Harris County Pets announces free adoption days in August - Community Impact Newspaper
Harris County Pets announces free adoption days in August  Community Impact Newspaper

Pets killed in mobile home fire near Paw Paw - WWMT-TV
Pets killed in mobile home fire near Paw Paw  WWMT-TV

August is Pet Digestive Health Month.. 3 Tips to Support Your Pet's Immune System - Islander News.com
August is Pet Digestive Health Month.. 3 Tips to Support Your Pet's Immune System  Islander News.com

Can dogs get coronavirus? Yes, a Louisiana dog just did. Here's what pet owners should know. - The Advocate
Can dogs get coronavirus? Yes, a Louisiana dog just did. Here's what pet owners should know.  The Advocate

Henrico County offering $10 rabies vaccinations for pets - WWBT NBC12 News
Henrico County offering $10 rabies vaccinations for pets  WWBT NBC12 News

Pets Can Cause Fires! // Safety Tips For Pet Owners // ShopKidde.com - Yahoo News
Pets Can Cause Fires! // Safety Tips For Pet Owners // ShopKidde.com  Yahoo News

Coronavirus in pets, French research strategy and a duplication detector - Nature.com
Coronavirus in pets, French research strategy and a duplication detector  Nature.com

Set an Alarm for 'Connection Time' With Your Kids and Pets - Lifehacker
Set an Alarm for 'Connection Time' With Your Kids and Pets  Lifehacker

Palm Springs Animal Shelter says pet surrenders happening due to coronavirus pandemic - Desert Sun
Palm Springs Animal Shelter says pet surrenders happening due to coronavirus pandemic  Desert Sun

'He don't talk back to me!' Seniors receive robot pets to help with quarantine loneliness - WCVB Boston
'He don't talk back to me!' Seniors receive robot pets to help with quarantine loneliness  WCVB Boston

Is El Paso Animal Services no longer accepting stray pets? - KFOX El Paso
Is El Paso Animal Services no longer accepting stray pets?  KFOX El Paso

Help #ClearTheShelters by Adopting One of These Lovable Pets - NBC4 Washington
Help #ClearTheShelters by Adopting One of These Lovable Pets  NBC4 Washington

Animatronic Pets Are Coming To RMC - The Roundup
Animatronic Pets Are Coming To RMC  The Roundup

Summertime is also rabies time. How to keep you and your pets safe - WYDaily
Summertime is also rabies time. How to keep you and your pets safe  WYDaily

Pets and COVID-19: Humans can pass on coronavirus to dogs and cats, study finds | Daily Sabah - Daily Sabah
Pets and COVID-19: Humans can pass on coronavirus to dogs and cats, study finds | Daily Sabah  Daily Sabah

Pets of the Week: Aug. 3 - The Herald-News
Pets of the Week: Aug. 3  The Herald-News

Smithtown Adoptable Pets Of The Week: 4 Kittens - Smithtown, NY Patch
Smithtown Adoptable Pets Of The Week: 4 Kittens  Smithtown, NY Patch

Alligators make terrible pets: 'You're basically dealing with a dinosaur.' - National Geographic
Alligators make terrible pets: 'You're basically dealing with a dinosaur.'  National Geographic

The Hottest Industries Today - Entrepreneur
The Hottest Industries Today  Entrepreneur

Adorable Adoptable Pets Of The Week In Howard County - Ellicott City, MD Patch
Adorable Adoptable Pets Of The Week In Howard County  Ellicott City, MD Patch

Northport Adoptable Pets Of The Week: Miles & Percy - Northport, NY Patch
Northport Adoptable Pets Of The Week: Miles & Percy  Northport, NY Patch

Former Soldier Finds Peace Fostering Pets, Finding them Homes - Military.com
Former Soldier Finds Peace Fostering Pets, Finding them Homes  Military.com

Pets in Need: Gunner - Prescott Daily Courier
Pets in Need: Gunner  Prescott Daily Courier

PHOTOS: Gwinnett Animal Shelter Adoptable Pets of the Week -- Aug. 3 - Gwinnettdailypost.com
PHOTOS: Gwinnett Animal Shelter Adoptable Pets of the Week -- Aug. 3  Gwinnettdailypost.com

Carson City-based Pets of the Homeless host 11th nationwide pet food and supply drive - Carson Now
Carson City-based Pets of the Homeless host 11th nationwide pet food and supply drive  Carson Now

Did Colorado Parks And Wildlife Have To Kill That Pet Fox? - Colorado Public Radio
Did Colorado Parks And Wildlife Have To Kill That Pet Fox?  Colorado Public Radio

First Louisiana dog tests positive for coronavirus; officials warn owners not to abandon pets - The Advocate
First Louisiana dog tests positive for coronavirus; officials warn owners not to abandon pets  The Advocate

Pets of the Week August 3 - 7 - The Hartselle Enquirer - Hartselle Enquirer
Pets of the Week August 3 - 7 - The Hartselle Enquirer  Hartselle Enquirer

Is COVID-19 Stressing Out Your Pets? More Than You May Think! - Legal Reader
Is COVID-19 Stressing Out Your Pets? More Than You May Think!  Legal Reader

Majority of Pet Owners Give Their Pets Some Homemade Food - The Bark
Majority of Pet Owners Give Their Pets Some Homemade Food  The Bark

Adorable Adoptable Pets Of The Week For Baltimore County - Dundalk, MD Patch
Adorable Adoptable Pets Of The Week For Baltimore County  Dundalk, MD Patch

Record spike in pet adoptions, fostering amid pandemic - KSAT San Antonio
Record spike in pet adoptions, fostering amid pandemic  KSAT San Antonio

Seattle Fire Department Urges Residents Not To Leave Kids Or Pets In The Car - Patch.com
Seattle Fire Department Urges Residents Not To Leave Kids Or Pets In The Car  Patch.com

Knox PAWS in need of pet food, collars, leashes - WBIR.com
Knox PAWS in need of pet food, collars, leashes  WBIR.com

East Bay pets of the week for Aug. 7 - East Bay Times
East Bay pets of the week for Aug. 7  East Bay Times

Clarksville area Pets of the Week for August 5th, 2020 - Clarksville, TN Online - Clarksville Online
Clarksville area Pets of the Week for August 5th, 2020 - Clarksville, TN Online  Clarksville Online

Clear the Shelters campaign aims to find pets forever homes - KSNB
Clear the Shelters campaign aims to find pets forever homes  KSNB

Keep pets clear of Blue-green algae | Community | capjournal.com - The Capital Journal
Keep pets clear of Blue-green algae | Community | capjournal.com  The Capital Journal

Roice-Hurst Pet of the Week: 'Meet Gryffin - KJCT
Roice-Hurst Pet of the Week: 'Meet Gryffin  KJCT

N.J. pets in need: Aug. 3, 2020 - nj.com
N.J. pets in need: Aug. 3, 2020  nj.com

People, pets rescued from home in Cherry Grove after high water levels - WBTW
People, pets rescued from home in Cherry Grove after high water levels  WBTW

Madison apartment fire displaces 5 people, 3 pets - Channel3000.com - WISC-TV3
Madison apartment fire displaces 5 people, 3 pets  Channel3000.com - WISC-TV3

SNIPPETS: Pet cat taking advantage of every opportunity - Theredstonerocket
SNIPPETS: Pet cat taking advantage of every opportunity  Theredstonerocket

Take veterinary advice from a vet, not a pet food store - Los Angeles Times
Take veterinary advice from a vet, not a pet food store  Los Angeles Times

App Uses Pet Selfies to ID Shelter Pets - Bay News 9
App Uses Pet Selfies to ID Shelter Pets  Bay News 9

Clear the Shelters 2020: How you can help pets find their forever home - WKYC.com
Clear the Shelters 2020: How you can help pets find their forever home  WKYC.com

This Pet Stock Can Be an Investor's Best Friend - Motley Fool
This Pet Stock Can Be an Investor's Best Friend  Motley Fool

Pets perish in morning Streetsboro mobile home blaze, firefighters say - WJW FOX 8 News Cleveland
Pets perish in morning Streetsboro mobile home blaze, firefighters say  WJW FOX 8 News Cleveland

Erie Humane Society to Host Bark & Brunch Pet Adoption Day this Saturday - erienewsnow.com
Erie Humane Society to Host Bark & Brunch Pet Adoption Day this Saturday  erienewsnow.com

Businesses for Beauty, Pets, Hair and Clean Clothes Shut Their Doors - westsiderag.com
Businesses for Beauty, Pets, Hair and Clean Clothes Shut Their Doors  westsiderag.com

COVID-19 can affect pets; cases confirmed | AgriLife Today - AgriLife Today
COVID-19 can affect pets; cases confirmed | AgriLife Today  AgriLife Today

2 dogs test positive, marking Japan's 1st reported pet infections - Kyodo News Plus
2 dogs test positive, marking Japan's 1st reported pet infections  Kyodo News Plus

KCBD’s Pet of the Day: Meet Chase - KCBD
KCBD’s Pet of the Day: Meet Chase  KCBD

Happy as pigs in mud: Harrisburg girl navigates disability with assistance pet - Corvallis Gazette Times
Happy as pigs in mud: Harrisburg girl navigates disability with assistance pet  Corvallis Gazette Times

Animal activist Marc Ching endangered pets, veterinarians say - Los Angeles Times
Animal activist Marc Ching endangered pets, veterinarians say  Los Angeles Times

Palm Valley Animal Society launches pet food drive-thru - KGBT-TV
Palm Valley Animal Society launches pet food drive-thru  KGBT-TV

Quad City Pet Care: Mobile Vet - KWQC-TV6
Quad City Pet Care: Mobile Vet  KWQC-TV6

Pets of the week: Phineas, Ferb and Rico need homes - MLive.com
Pets of the week: Phineas, Ferb and Rico need homes  MLive.com

Pet of the Week: 8/4/20 - WANE
Pet of the Week: 8/4/20  WANE

Huntsville Animal Services offers 'back to school sale' - WZDX
Huntsville Animal Services offers 'back to school sale'  WZDX

Pet of the Week: Zach - KEZI TV
Pet of the Week: Zach  KEZI TV

Smart Pets Food Dispenser Market 2025 Insights Analysis and 11 Company Profiles (Feed and Go, Jempet, Petnet, Radio Systems (PetSafe), More) - Market Research Posts
Smart Pets Food Dispenser Market 2025 Insights Analysis and 11 Company Profiles (Feed and Go, Jempet, Petnet, Radio Systems (PetSafe), More)  Market Research Posts

Waggin' Wednesday: Why You Might Consider A Pet Rat - CapeCod.com News
Waggin' Wednesday: Why You Might Consider A Pet Rat  CapeCod.com News

All About Pets: Obesity, a preventable disease in animals - Prescott Daily Courier
All About Pets: Obesity, a preventable disease in animals  Prescott Daily Courier

KC Pet Project sees uptick in surrendered animals due to evictions - KSHB
KC Pet Project sees uptick in surrendered animals due to evictions  KSHB

Owners warned stop kissing pets as U.K. latest to sound the alert over cat infected with coronavirus - MarketWatch
Owners warned stop kissing pets as U.K. latest to sound the alert over cat infected with coronavirus  MarketWatch

Pandemic Puts Strain on Pet Care Providers - WDET
Pandemic Puts Strain on Pet Care Providers  WDET

Adopt-A-Pet: Dumpling from the Goathouse Refuge - Chapelboro.com
Adopt-A-Pet: Dumpling from the Goathouse Refuge  Chapelboro.com

Lost dog found safe after escaping Banfield Pet Hospital in Brandon 5 days ago - ABC Action News
Lost dog found safe after escaping Banfield Pet Hospital in Brandon 5 days ago  ABC Action News

Michigan Pet Fund Alliance gives out Out of the Box Awards - Iosco County News Herald
Michigan Pet Fund Alliance gives out Out of the Box Awards  Iosco County News Herald

Pet owners shouldn't panic about the dog that died after COVID-19 infection - CNET
Pet owners shouldn't panic about the dog that died after COVID-19 infection  CNET

How to buy the best senior dog food, according to veterinarians - NBC News
How to buy the best senior dog food, according to veterinarians  NBC News

There’s no better time to adopt one of these 13 adorable pets: Aug. 1-2 - SILive.com
There’s no better time to adopt one of these 13 adorable pets: Aug. 1-2  SILive.com

RV Travel With Pets, Part 1: Safety On The Road - Forbes
RV Travel With Pets, Part 1: Safety On The Road  Forbes

How to reduce anxiety for pets, according to an expert - TODAY
How to reduce anxiety for pets, according to an expert  TODAY

MPD: Man hits woman in face, steals pet lizard - Channel3000.com - WISC-TV3
MPD: Man hits woman in face, steals pet lizard  Channel3000.com - WISC-TV3

Homeward Bound: Pets' Incredible COVID-19 Journeys To Reunite With Owners - NPR
Homeward Bound: Pets' Incredible COVID-19 Journeys To Reunite With Owners  NPR

Only 24/7 Rochester-area animal ER forced to turn pets away - WHEC
Only 24/7 Rochester-area animal ER forced to turn pets away  WHEC

Covid-19 kept them separated from their pets for months. So they've chartered a plane to bring them home - CNN
Covid-19 kept them separated from their pets for months. So they've chartered a plane to bring them home  CNN

Pet Vet: Cancer in Pets - WNDU
Pet Vet: Cancer in Pets  WNDU

Colorado Springs woman devastated after CPW euthanizes her pet fox - KRDO
Colorado Springs woman devastated after CPW euthanizes her pet fox  KRDO

Rare Chinese Vase Found in Pet-Filled Home Sells for $9 Million - Smithsonian Magazine
Rare Chinese Vase Found in Pet-Filled Home Sells for $9 Million  Smithsonian Magazine

Adopting a New Pet During the Pandemic | US News - U.S. News & World Report
Adopting a New Pet During the Pandemic | US News  U.S. News & World Report

The pandemic's unlikely pet: Chickens - CNN
The pandemic's unlikely pet: Chickens  CNN

N.J. pets in need: July 27, 2020 - nj.com
N.J. pets in need: July 27, 2020  nj.com

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