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My Needs are Simple and Few!


My dear owner,

Thank you once again for giving me shelter. (Lick, slurp, lick, slurp) Aside from food, shelter and love, my needs are simple and few! Since I am dependent upon you to provide for me, we should discuss my basic needs. I can lend you the canine insight that you may lack as a human, particularly if I am your first canine companion pet.

Of course, I require a steady supply of food and fresh water, and while I long for the same quality of culinary delight that you routinely enjoy, I know that's an unrealistic expectation. As long as you feed me something that's nutritionally suited for my species, I'll happily devour whatever little morsels of people food you throw my way. I'm not particularly fond of that stuff that comes from the tap, but it'll do in a pinch. I draw the line at drinking from toilets.

Splish splash

In addition to my regular veterinary care, I'll need a flea and tick collar at a bare minimum. How would you like those critters crawling all over you? Please help me to prevent them from crawling on me.

If you want to show me off for company, how about you pick up some grooming aids so I can look my sexy best? I SO look forward to weekly shampoos. Who needs rubber duckies when you get to splash at humans at bath time? I understand that humans multitask, and I love those massages with the grooming gloves, so we could watch TV together while you give my coat a nightly massage. I cannot vacuum after myself (but maybe you could suggest that as an advanced course at obedience school), so you might want to pick up some of those hair pickup tools for yourself.

A bowl of my very own

I could use a doggie bowl or two, something simple, yet elegant, perhaps something with my name on it. It's not that I mind sharing your everyday bowls, but it would be nice to have something that's all mine when it comes to feeding and watering troughs. I'll need one for food and one for water, and an everyday pattern will suffice-no need for an expensive china pattern.

Collars and other jewelry

I look forward to our walks together, but it's just too tempting for me to stray when you walk me without a leash. I think the government suits must be on to us doggies, since they've enacted those pesky leash laws everywhere. So, if you want to continue spending this quality time with me, you'll need to find a leash that fits me properly, is strong enough to hold me, and is the proper length. If it's too long, I'll trip all over myself, but if it's not long enough, I won't have the room I need to roam. I know that there is a dizzying array of leashes available, but please use a little discretion and choose one with the right "look" for my breed so that all the other doggies don't make fun of me. They can be so darn cruel!

Creature comforts

I was told that most humans have jobs, so I understand that you'll be spending time away from me. If you could see your way clear to leaving a few creature comforts behind, it would really help. First, I don't want to hog your people furniture-it's too big for me anyway. I could use one of those nice, comfy doggie beds. Floors are meant to be walked on, not lounged upon. I know that there are a number of places that I should not go when you're gone, so spray that indoor repellent, and I'll learn the first time. I'm a quick study-something about Pavlov!

Dogs in toyland

Toys will help me pass the time, assist me in my development, and most importantly, distract me from the fact that you're not here. I could have some REAL fun if you'd get me my very own cat, but I realize that is not likely. Here is a list of things that I would really, really enjoy if you cannot get me my own cat:

- A nice supply of those rubber, chewy thingies

- Squishy, squeaky, talking toys

- Rawhide chews, dental chews, anything that I will mistake for a bone

- Treats, treats, and more treats - a never-ending supply of treats

Special occasion gifts

You humans have your porches, your patios and your tree houses. I would give my doggie eye teeth for my very own dog house. You could have Santa deliver it in time for the holidays, or you save it for a birthday treat. Either way, it'll give me my own little hideaway and protect me from the elements, should you take temporary leave of your human senses and leave me outside while you run one of your many errands. If you can't swing the canine estate just yet, maybe we could negotiate a doggie door?

Above all, I require the same devotion and attention that you expect from me. Treat me right, and I'll be your best friend for life.

Love and kisses,

Your beloved doggie

M J Plaster is a successful author who provides information on shopping online for pet supplies and needs and treats for dogs. M J Plaster has been a commercial freelance writer for almost two decades, most recently specializing in home and garden, the low-carb lifestyle, investing, and anything that defines la dolce vita.


TODAYS NEWS BY OFFICEJAX FREE ADVERTISING AND AD EXCHANGE SOLUTIONSMORE PETS INFORMATION RESOURCES updated Thu. March / 28 / 2024

Avoid bringing pets to April 2024 total solar eclipse, experts say - USA TODAY
Avoid bringing pets to April 2024 total solar eclipse, experts say  USA TODAY

TikTok Video Sheds Light on Heartbreaking Reality of Pets in Kill Shelters - One Green Planet
TikTok Video Sheds Light on Heartbreaking Reality of Pets in Kill Shelters  One Green Planet

Ikea shows its products destroyed by pets in cute campaign about affordability - Ad Age
Ikea shows its products destroyed by pets in cute campaign about affordability  Ad Age

Austin Pets Alive! looks to expand facilities, rebuild Town Lake center in $45M project - KXAN.com
Austin Pets Alive! looks to expand facilities, rebuild Town Lake center in $45M project  KXAN.com

Tri-State nonprofit uses high-tech drones, search and rescue techniques to find lost pets - WCPO 9 Cincinnati
Tri-State nonprofit uses high-tech drones, search and rescue techniques to find lost pets  WCPO 9 Cincinnati

Mayo Clinic Minute: Wash your pet's food and water bowls to prevent salmonella - Mayo Clinic
Mayo Clinic Minute: Wash your pet's food and water bowls to prevent salmonella  Mayo Clinic

Toxic toads that can kill pets in minutes are breeding in Florida - FOX 5 San Diego
Toxic toads that can kill pets in minutes are breeding in Florida  FOX 5 San Diego

Planning a trip for spring break? Don’t forget about your pets - WTOP
Planning a trip for spring break? Don’t forget about your pets  WTOP

Iowa gets its first emergency trailer to care for pets during natural disasters - KCRG
Iowa gets its first emergency trailer to care for pets during natural disasters  KCRG

How much is full coverage pet insurance? - CBS News
How much is full coverage pet insurance?  CBS News

City of West Hollywood's Free 'Picasso Pets' Event Returns to West Hollywood Park and will Feature the Swearing-In of ... - City of West Hollywood
City of West Hollywood's Free 'Picasso Pets' Event Returns to West Hollywood Park and will Feature the Swearing-In of ...  City of West Hollywood

Veterinary surgeon: Spare flat-faced pets the respiratory distress - Phys.org
Veterinary surgeon: Spare flat-faced pets the respiratory distress  Phys.org

How microbiome-tailored nutrition can extend a pet's longevity - PetfoodIndustry.com
How microbiome-tailored nutrition can extend a pet's longevity  PetfoodIndustry.com

Pet Talk: How pets can improve your mental health - WDBJ
Pet Talk: How pets can improve your mental health  WDBJ

Don't Abandon Easter Pets: Reality Of Bunnies, Chicks, And Ducks - News/Talk 790 KFYO
Don't Abandon Easter Pets: Reality Of Bunnies, Chicks, And Ducks  News/Talk 790 KFYO

SNAPS photo competition will celebrate Superior pets - Boulder Daily Camera
SNAPS photo competition will celebrate Superior pets  Boulder Daily Camera

Meet the A.R.K. Pets of the Week - The Pantagraph
Meet the A.R.K. Pets of the Week  The Pantagraph

SOLAR SCRIBBLES: Will the eclipse affect your pets? - RochesterFirst
SOLAR SCRIBBLES: Will the eclipse affect your pets?  RochesterFirst

Should you be worried about the eclipse's effect on your pets? - News 5 Cleveland WEWS
Should you be worried about the eclipse's effect on your pets?  News 5 Cleveland WEWS

Local animal rescue cares for pets while owners are in crisis. Here’s how you can become a foster - WPXI Pittsburgh
Local animal rescue cares for pets while owners are in crisis. Here’s how you can become a foster  WPXI Pittsburgh

These plants bloom in western Washington over spring. They’re also toxic to your pets - Tacoma News Tribune
These plants bloom in western Washington over spring. They’re also toxic to your pets  Tacoma News Tribune

Alert the puparazzi! These Springfield-area pets are social media stars - Springfield Daily Citizen
Alert the puparazzi! These Springfield-area pets are social media stars  Springfield Daily Citizen

Pet Pics Sweepstakes: More of your adored, adoring, adorable pets - KTVZ
Pet Pics Sweepstakes: More of your adored, adoring, adorable pets  KTVZ

Pets At Home Bans Sales Of Rabbits Over Easter Weekend - Country Living UK
Pets At Home Bans Sales Of Rabbits Over Easter Weekend  Country Living UK

San Antonio Pets Alive and Petco Love hosting $25 adoption event! - WOAI
San Antonio Pets Alive and Petco Love hosting $25 adoption event!  WOAI

Pepper, Bershadker: Give all pets and owners the option of virtual care - Detroit News
Pepper, Bershadker: Give all pets and owners the option of virtual care  Detroit News

Pets on the Plaza: Meet Latte - 47abc - WMDT
Pets on the Plaza: Meet Latte - 47abc  WMDT

Pet Talk: How Pets Can improve Mental Health - WDBJ
Pet Talk: How Pets Can improve Mental Health  WDBJ

The cost of raising chickens - Country Living
The cost of raising chickens  Country Living

Letter: Don't forget about the pets at the Humane Society - Steamboat Pilot & Today
Letter: Don't forget about the pets at the Humane Society  Steamboat Pilot & Today

Paws for a Cause helps pets in Henderson - Athens Daily Review
Paws for a Cause helps pets in Henderson  Athens Daily Review

WNCT.com’s Best of Pets: Junie - WNCT
WNCT.com’s Best of Pets: Junie  WNCT

Native Pet doubles footprint with Tractor Supply partnership - PetfoodIndustry.com
Native Pet doubles footprint with Tractor Supply partnership  PetfoodIndustry.com

Keeping Pets Healthy | wwltv.com - WWLTV.com
Keeping Pets Healthy | wwltv.com  WWLTV.com

Nacogdoches Animal Services pets needs homes | Multimedia | thepinelog.com - SFA The Pine Log Online
Nacogdoches Animal Services pets needs homes | Multimedia | thepinelog.com  SFA The Pine Log Online

Pets of the Week - The Mountaineer Echo
Pets of the Week  The Mountaineer Echo

This Pet Parrot Might Actually Be Possessed And We're Honestly Scared - Digg
This Pet Parrot Might Actually Be Possessed And We're Honestly Scared  Digg

Leave pets at home during April 8 eclipse: veterinarian - WBBM
Leave pets at home during April 8 eclipse: veterinarian  WBBM

Animal experts share how solar eclipse can affect pets and wildlife - KXAN.com
Animal experts share how solar eclipse can affect pets and wildlife  KXAN.com

Pet of the Week: 2024 pets - WTOP
Pet of the Week: 2024 pets  WTOP

Five toxic household items to keep away from pets - KTALnews.com
Five toxic household items to keep away from pets  KTALnews.com

Toxic toads that can kill pets in minutes are breeding in Florida; what to watch out for - WFLA
Toxic toads that can kill pets in minutes are breeding in Florida; what to watch out for  WFLA

This is where Grand County's lost or relinquished pets end up - The Times-Independent - The Times-Independent
This is where Grand County's lost or relinquished pets end up - The Times-Independent  The Times-Independent

Cutest pet of the week: Violet - KEVN
Cutest pet of the week: Violet  KEVN

Rutland County Humane Society seeks new location, land to shelter pets - Mountaintimes
Rutland County Humane Society seeks new location, land to shelter pets  Mountaintimes

Ikea's Sweet Ads Capture Messy Realities of Pet Ownership - Adweek
Ikea's Sweet Ads Capture Messy Realities of Pet Ownership  Adweek

Fur Ball raises needed funds for local pets - Lockhart Post Register
Fur Ball raises needed funds for local pets  Lockhart Post Register

Polk County Sheriff's Office launches pet food drive to support local animals in need - The Tryon Daily Bulletin - Tryon Daily Bulletin
Polk County Sheriff's Office launches pet food drive to support local animals in need - The Tryon Daily Bulletin  Tryon Daily Bulletin

Alaska Airlines Free Hawaii Flights: A Lifeline for Maui Shelter Pets - Beat of Hawaii
Alaska Airlines Free Hawaii Flights: A Lifeline for Maui Shelter Pets  Beat of Hawaii

Pet of the Week: Meet Squirt! - WMTV
Pet of the Week: Meet Squirt!  WMTV

Own a pet? Make sure to get them vaccinated - WLTX.com
Own a pet? Make sure to get them vaccinated  WLTX.com

Pet Peeves That Bring Us Together In Utah - Cat Country 107.3 and 94.9
Pet Peeves That Bring Us Together In Utah  Cat Country 107.3 and 94.9

Insect-based dog food company enters Pets at Home stores - Pet Food Processing
Insect-based dog food company enters Pets at Home stores  Pet Food Processing

Best Pet Insurance Companies for March 2024 - NerdWallet
Best Pet Insurance Companies for March 2024  NerdWallet

Robert Irwin Reveals the One 'Animal' He's Actually Afraid Of - Parade Pets
Robert Irwin Reveals the One 'Animal' He's Actually Afraid Of  Parade Pets

$50K donated to East Bay crisis program for struggling pet owners - KRON4
$50K donated to East Bay crisis program for struggling pet owners  KRON4

Toxic toads that can kill pets in minutes are breeding in Florida; what to watch out for - WSPA 7News
Toxic toads that can kill pets in minutes are breeding in Florida; what to watch out for  WSPA 7News

16 UK Pet Ownership Statistics in 2024: General & Regional Facts – Dogster - Dogster.com
16 UK Pet Ownership Statistics in 2024: General & Regional Facts – Dogster  Dogster.com

The Positive Power of Pets - Wellbeing Magazine
The Positive Power of Pets  Wellbeing Magazine

Pets of the Week 3/28/24 | News | riograndesun.com - Rio Grande Sun
Pets of the Week 3/28/24 | News | riograndesun.com  Rio Grande Sun

March Is Pet Poison Prevention Month - NBC Palm Springs
March Is Pet Poison Prevention Month  NBC Palm Springs

Adoptable pets from Arizona Humane Society, Maricopa County and Arizona Small Dog Rescue (3/27/24) - ABC15 Arizona in Phoenix
Adoptable pets from Arizona Humane Society, Maricopa County and Arizona Small Dog Rescue (3/27/24)  ABC15 Arizona in Phoenix

KCBD's Pet of the Day: Meet Trell - Lubbock - KCBD
KCBD's Pet of the Day: Meet Trell - Lubbock  KCBD

Everything to know to prep and protect your pets during the solar eclipse in April - phillyBurbs.com
Everything to know to prep and protect your pets during the solar eclipse in April  phillyBurbs.com

The pet I’ll never forget: Buddy the rescue dog, whose final walk brought him so much joy - The Guardian
The pet I’ll never forget: Buddy the rescue dog, whose final walk brought him so much joy  The Guardian

New rescue cares for pets while owners struggle with homelessness and abuse - Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
New rescue cares for pets while owners struggle with homelessness and abuse  Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

‘They are our babies’: Around 75 concerned pet owners contact police after Sarasota groomer’s arrest - WFLA
‘They are our babies’: Around 75 concerned pet owners contact police after Sarasota groomer’s arrest  WFLA

Humane Society of Western Montana hosts free pet clinic outside Missoula's Public Library - Montana Right Now
Humane Society of Western Montana hosts free pet clinic outside Missoula's Public Library  Montana Right Now

Boarding pets or in-home sitters: In Atlanta, 1 is a clear cost-saver - Yahoo! Voices
Boarding pets or in-home sitters: In Atlanta, 1 is a clear cost-saver  Yahoo! Voices

Pets of the Week - The Cherokee Scout
Pets of the Week  The Cherokee Scout

Increasing pet sales on social media stirs debate - Hurriyet Daily News
Increasing pet sales on social media stirs debate  Hurriyet Daily News

Nutrition tips to boost mental health and well-being of your pet buddy - Hindustan Times
Nutrition tips to boost mental health and well-being of your pet buddy  Hindustan Times

Toxic toads that can kill pets in minutes are breeding in Florida; what to watch out for - WFLA
Toxic toads that can kill pets in minutes are breeding in Florida; what to watch out for  WFLA

Pets of the Week: Jezebel, Victor and Verbena - Daily Bulldog
Pets of the Week: Jezebel, Victor and Verbena  Daily Bulldog

(Pet Talk) A closer look into cryptococcal fungal infections - News Courier
(Pet Talk) A closer look into cryptococcal fungal infections  News Courier

New Mexico Living Pet Pics March 27, 2024 - KRQE News 13
New Mexico Living Pet Pics March 27, 2024  KRQE News 13

Advent, CVC make joint bid for European pet food business owned by Cinven, FT reports - Reuters
Advent, CVC make joint bid for European pet food business owned by Cinven, FT reports  Reuters

Local Pet Rescue Founder: After 14 Years Still 'Blown Away' By The Support - 98.1 - Minnesota's New Country
Local Pet Rescue Founder: After 14 Years Still 'Blown Away' By The Support  98.1 - Minnesota's New Country

IKEA's Pet Collection Is The Perfect Excuse To Spoil Your Fur Baby - Brit + Co
IKEA's Pet Collection Is The Perfect Excuse To Spoil Your Fur Baby  Brit + Co

The life of pets at home: UTSÅDD pet collection – IKEA Global - About IKEA
The life of pets at home: UTSÅDD pet collection – IKEA Global  About IKEA

Pet of the Week: Meet Toasty - The Photo News
Pet of the Week: Meet Toasty  The Photo News

Mpox in Animals and Pets | Mpox | Poxvirus | CDC - CDC
Mpox in Animals and Pets | Mpox | Poxvirus | CDC  CDC

Best Pet-Safe Weed Killers That Actually Work to Banish Weeds and Grass - Bob Vila
Best Pet-Safe Weed Killers That Actually Work to Banish Weeds and Grass  Bob Vila

Louie the Frenchie Reviews Disney World's Best Friends Pet Care – Dogster - Dogster.com
Louie the Frenchie Reviews Disney World's Best Friends Pet Care – Dogster  Dogster.com

How my smart home helps care for my pets - The Verge
How my smart home helps care for my pets  The Verge

More than 70 pets were sterilized in Progreso - The Yucatan Times
More than 70 pets were sterilized in Progreso  The Yucatan Times

What is the pet policy at RSW in Fort Myers - News-Press
What is the pet policy at RSW in Fort Myers  News-Press

Neglected Pets, Unlawful Weapons & Drug Arrests Tuesday Booking Report - San Angelo LIVE!
Neglected Pets, Unlawful Weapons & Drug Arrests Tuesday Booking Report  San Angelo LIVE!

Pets Aren't People - The Gospel Coalition
Pets Aren't People  The Gospel Coalition

Pet prevention and rescue guide for Easter - Dominican Today
Pet prevention and rescue guide for Easter  Dominican Today

Lancashire care home residents comforted by robot pets - The Independent
Lancashire care home residents comforted by robot pets  The Independent

San Diego pet whisperer who used inheritance to buy grooming trailer loses biz to fire - NBC San Diego
San Diego pet whisperer who used inheritance to buy grooming trailer loses biz to fire  NBC San Diego

Pets Need Extra Care in Summer, Say Experts - Deccan Chronicle
Pets Need Extra Care in Summer, Say Experts  Deccan Chronicle

Moment 15-Year-Old Cat Purrs for the First Time in Rescuer's Arms Is Beautiful - Parade Pets
Moment 15-Year-Old Cat Purrs for the First Time in Rescuer's Arms Is Beautiful  Parade Pets

A parade full of the best pets - Warwick Today
A parade full of the best pets  Warwick Today

Owner Needs to Stop Pets' Bad Behavior at This Maine Dog Park - Q97.9
Owner Needs to Stop Pets' Bad Behavior at This Maine Dog Park  Q97.9

Essential things to pack before taking a road trip with your pets - 9Honey Travel
Essential things to pack before taking a road trip with your pets  9Honey Travel

Rottweiler's Envious Look While Watching Sister Get a Treat Is Full of Drama - Parade Pets
Rottweiler's Envious Look While Watching Sister Get a Treat Is Full of Drama  Parade Pets

Vets issue chocolate warning to pet owners this Easter - Yahoo Lifestyle UK
Vets issue chocolate warning to pet owners this Easter  Yahoo Lifestyle UK

Unusual Animals Allowed as Pets in the State of Texas - knue.com
Unusual Animals Allowed as Pets in the State of Texas  knue.com

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