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Pets: The Wild Kind


Just because we moved out to the country a couple years back does NOT mean we want to run a farm. Tending to animals is just not how we want to spend our time. We don't want cows or sheep or chickens. We don't want hogs or ducks. We don't even want a dog or a cat to train.

OK, so my wife says that she wants a cat, but that's only because she knows I won't have anything to do with it. I suspect that if I ever said, "OK, you win. Let's get a cat", she would run screaming down the stairs pulling at her hair and just keep on running... causing damage to the stairway carpet, not to mention the window at the bottom of the staircase.

We don't want a parrot or a rabbit or a hamster or even a mouse.

But when you live in the country, you have pets, whether you like it or not.

The first summer, we were welcomed by Muffet the skunk. Although she never responded to that name, we let her keep it. She just loved our compost heap. In fact, she had a frequent-eater pass at the all-you-can-eat compost buffet.

The second summer we were skunk-free, but this summer we were blessed with a new traveling perfume salesman. We did not name him, but we have determined that he is on a diet. He stays away from the all-you-can-eat compost buffet.

He is also much less intelligent than Muffet. When we see him, we jump and shout and wave our hands to get his attention,. But we usually have to get his attention three or four times before something in his microbe-sized brain clicks in and says, "Wait a minute. That's not the hot dog vendor beckoning me to clean up his leftovers. Maybe I should turn around."

But he is smart enough provide a two-tier burglar deterent. First, he drives them away with his odor. "Peee-ew. Let's go rob the Jensons down the road." Second he digs thousands of tiny pits all over the lawn to trip any burglar foolish enough to try to escape.

And to answer your question, no I did not personally verify the gender of these skunks. But you are free to check if you doubt my word.

This summer, we discovered an exotic spider (See http://www.vitamin-supplements-store.net/spider.html). Painted on its inch-long black back are two bright yellow eyes. Spooky. We even watched it wrap its prey - a small, light brown flying thingy. With amazing speed, the spider scurried from the center of her web toward the helpless victim at least a foot away. Then in a matter of two seconds flat, the spider spun the fly around three or four times, weaving it into a web cocoon like rolling a corpse in a carpet behind Luigi's Fine Finer and Smokes. No gangster could have operated with one tenth the speed.

Just a few hours ago, I was proud to show off a bees nest over a foot tall hanging from a low branch in our One Acre Woods.

"Wow. It's just like in Winnie the Pooh!" That was Little Lady, now 3 years and 3 months old.

"Destroy it. There must be thousands of bees in there!" That was my wife.

The fact is that I have had to destroy four bees nests in the past three weeks, all between the stones in our foundation. I am not keen to drive the bees away from their forest nest and toward the house. In fact, I think I'll post an arrow sign near the house pointing to the forest: "Cheap rent. Spacious hive. Vibrant community."

So far, we've avoided the pets inside the house - we won't discuss the "storm trooper ants incident" or the midnight mouse-trap peanut-butter visits - and we have kept the hogs and sheep at bay (although the chickens sheepishly crawl through the fence and the stray cats like to run hog wild around our land).

No pets, perhaps. But you still have to share your space with skunks and spiders and bees when you live in the country.

Coming soon to a humor column near you: How I adopted 14,673 cluster flies on a Tuesday afternoon....without even breaking into a sweat.

About The Author

David Leonhardt publishes The Happy Guy humor column.

Visit his home page: http://www.thehappyguy.com

David is owner of The Liquid Vitamin Supplements Store: http://www.vitamin-supplements-store.net

[email protected]


TODAYS NEWS BY OFFICEJAX FREE ADVERTISING AND AD EXCHANGE SOLUTIONSMORE PETS INFORMATION RESOURCES updated Sat. April / 10 / 2021

Summer and pets can go together with proper care - Dominion Post - The Dominion Post
Summer and pets can go together with proper care - Dominion Post  The Dominion Post

Oregon Humane Society helps 7K ‘pandemic pets’ find homes - KOIN.com
Oregon Humane Society helps 7K ‘pandemic pets’ find homes  KOIN.com

A side effect of the pandemic: Chunky pets - Tennessean
A side effect of the pandemic: Chunky pets  Tennessean

Pets left home alone as COVID-19 restrictions are lifted - cbs4local.com
Pets left home alone as COVID-19 restrictions are lifted  cbs4local.com

Clash of Clans Spring 2021 update: Hero Pets coming with Town Hall 14 - App Trigger
Clash of Clans Spring 2021 update: Hero Pets coming with Town Hall 14  App Trigger

Galveston County Animal Resource Center pets of the week - Galveston County Daily News
Galveston County Animal Resource Center pets of the week  Galveston County Daily News

Young-Williams Pets of the Week: Teva & Taz - WATE 6 On Your Side
Young-Williams Pets of the Week: Teva & Taz  WATE 6 On Your Side

Pets with Potential: Meet Angel - WCAX
Pets with Potential: Meet Angel  WCAX

Purrfect pets - Portsmouth Daily Times
Purrfect pets  Portsmouth Daily Times

KC shelter’s new program reuniting struggling owners with their pets - WDAF FOX4 Kansas City
KC shelter’s new program reuniting struggling owners with their pets  WDAF FOX4 Kansas City

PHOTOS, VIDEO: Ride the All-New "The Secret Life of Pets: Off the Leash" Dark Ride at Universal Studios Hollywood - wdwnt.com
PHOTOS, VIDEO: Ride the All-New "The Secret Life of Pets: Off the Leash" Dark Ride at Universal Studios Hollywood  wdwnt.com

InventHelp Inventor Develops Convenient Leash & Seatbelt Product for Pets (LCC-5139) - The Wellsboro Gazette
InventHelp Inventor Develops Convenient Leash & Seatbelt Product for Pets (LCC-5139)  The Wellsboro Gazette

Cats still missing after storm; other pets found - Newnan Times-Herald
Cats still missing after storm; other pets found  Newnan Times-Herald

Learn how to better care for your pet rabbit - The Daily Nonpareil
Learn how to better care for your pet rabbit  The Daily Nonpareil

Pets of the Week | Pets - Johnson City Press (subscription)
Pets of the Week | Pets  Johnson City Press (subscription)

Chew on this: Xylitol poisoning in pets is rising - Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
Chew on this: Xylitol poisoning in pets is rising  Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

Adoptable Rescue Pets Visit Neff's National Bank for Community Day - brctv13.com - brctv13.com
Adoptable Rescue Pets Visit Neff's National Bank for Community Day - brctv13.com  brctv13.com

These adoptable pets in Lane County are looking for a home - The Register-Guard
These adoptable pets in Lane County are looking for a home  The Register-Guard

FOTAS: Former shelter pets living the good life with forever family - Charleston Post Courier
FOTAS: Former shelter pets living the good life with forever family  Charleston Post Courier

Cold Noses: Adoptable Pets of the Week - The Florida Times-Union
Cold Noses: Adoptable Pets of the Week  The Florida Times-Union

Americans adopted fewer pets from shelters in 2020 as the supply of rescue animals fell - The Conversation US
Americans adopted fewer pets from shelters in 2020 as the supply of rescue animals fell  The Conversation US

Sony Releases Hotel Transylvania: Monster Pets Short | CBR - CBR - Comic Book Resources
Sony Releases Hotel Transylvania: Monster Pets Short | CBR  CBR - Comic Book Resources

In honor of National Pet Day, FLORIDA TODAY staffers share tales of their fur babies - Florida Today
In honor of National Pet Day, FLORIDA TODAY staffers share tales of their fur babies  Florida Today

Pets' names used as passwords by millions, study finds - BBC News
Pets' names used as passwords by millions, study finds  BBC News

Meet These Pets Available for Adoption on Long Island - Long Island Press
Meet These Pets Available for Adoption on Long Island  Long Island Press

Dogs Sad Adoption Tale Spotlights Wisconsin Pets Needing Homes - Patch.com
Dogs Sad Adoption Tale Spotlights Wisconsin Pets Needing Homes  Patch.com

Trigger and more pets up for adoption in Phoenix-area shelters this week - The Arizona Republic
Trigger and more pets up for adoption in Phoenix-area shelters this week  The Arizona Republic

Dogs Sad Adoption Tale Spotlights Scottdale Pets Needing Homes - Patch.com
Dogs Sad Adoption Tale Spotlights Scottdale Pets Needing Homes  Patch.com

Greater Birmingham Humane Society seeks donations to support families, their pets affected by storms - Alabama NewsCenter
Greater Birmingham Humane Society seeks donations to support families, their pets affected by storms  Alabama NewsCenter

Pet Talk | They've got a lot of heart - Champaign/Urbana News-Gazette
Pet Talk | They've got a lot of heart  Champaign/Urbana News-Gazette

Galveston Island Humane Society pets of the week - Galveston County Daily News
Galveston Island Humane Society pets of the week  Galveston County Daily News

Some things people love about Easter could be lethal to pets - KAGSTV.com
Some things people love about Easter could be lethal to pets  KAGSTV.com

More than 100 desert tortoises need forever homes - AZFamily
More than 100 desert tortoises need forever homes  AZFamily

Jet Pets- Gizmo and Romeo - YourErie
Jet Pets- Gizmo and Romeo  YourErie

North Providence Pets Now Eligible For Veterinary Vouchers - Patch.com
North Providence Pets Now Eligible For Veterinary Vouchers  Patch.com

Alejandro Davidovich Fokina Launches Spanish Pet Adoption Platform - ATP Tour
Alejandro Davidovich Fokina Launches Spanish Pet Adoption Platform  ATP Tour

News - Dilworth to consider limit on pets per household - Valley News Live
News - Dilworth to consider limit on pets per household  Valley News Live

Dogs Sad Adoption Tale Spotlights Lakewood Pets Needing Homes - Patch.com
Dogs Sad Adoption Tale Spotlights Lakewood Pets Needing Homes  Patch.com

Some pet dogs need expensive therapy after lockdowns - Fox News
Some pet dogs need expensive therapy after lockdowns  Fox News

Pets, Paws & Claws offers cats, kittens a 'second chance' - The Daily Advocate
Pets, Paws & Claws offers cats, kittens a 'second chance'  The Daily Advocate

Rabid Skunk Confirmed in Oconee County; Two Pet Exposures - SCDHEC
Rabid Skunk Confirmed in Oconee County; Two Pet Exposures  SCDHEC

5K supports local school, Manna Mission & pet rescue - WSIL TV
5K supports local school, Manna Mission & pet rescue  WSIL TV

Tampa Bay area pets looking for forever homes - Tampa Bay Times
Tampa Bay area pets looking for forever homes  Tampa Bay Times

KCBD’s Pet of the Day: Meet Dudley - KCBD
KCBD’s Pet of the Day: Meet Dudley  KCBD

Cozy pet-friendly product designs that'll make your pets truly feel at home! - Yanko Design
Cozy pet-friendly product designs that'll make your pets truly feel at home!  Yanko Design

A 'Ruff' Year Doesn't Stop Pet Owners from Splurging on their Pets - ABC10.com KXTV
A 'Ruff' Year Doesn't Stop Pet Owners from Splurging on their Pets  ABC10.com KXTV

5 Ways to Celebrate National Pet Day This Weekend - Green Matters
5 Ways to Celebrate National Pet Day This Weekend  Green Matters

Owner gets more than just her pet parrot after lost bird was found at Anakeesta - WATE 6 On Your Side
Owner gets more than just her pet parrot after lost bird was found at Anakeesta  WATE 6 On Your Side

The 19 Easiest Pets to Take Care of - Newsweek
The 19 Easiest Pets to Take Care of  Newsweek

Pet Of The Week: Kaylee - Patch.com
Pet Of The Week: Kaylee  Patch.com

5 best Free Fire pets to pair with Chrono in April 2021 - Sportskeeda
5 best Free Fire pets to pair with Chrono in April 2021  Sportskeeda

Fireworks for Thunder Over Louisville may go off closer to home. Here's how you can prepare - WHAS11.com
Fireworks for Thunder Over Louisville may go off closer to home. Here's how you can prepare  WHAS11.com

Pet owners should be cautious as their animals spend time outside this spring - THV11.com KTHV
Pet owners should be cautious as their animals spend time outside this spring  THV11.com KTHV

GMFS: Featured Pets – 4/9/21 - KSNF/KODE - FourStatesHomepage.com
GMFS: Featured Pets – 4/9/21  KSNF/KODE - FourStatesHomepage.com

14 gifts you should buy yourself for National Pet Day - USA TODAY
14 gifts you should buy yourself for National Pet Day  USA TODAY

Last Call: Show us your pets chowing down - Yahoo Lifestyle
Last Call: Show us your pets chowing down  Yahoo Lifestyle

Gulf Coast Tiny Paws Rescue pet of the week - Galveston County Daily News
Gulf Coast Tiny Paws Rescue pet of the week  Galveston County Daily News

Ree Drummond Cooked Up Something Special for Dogs Everywhere to Celebrate National Pet Day - PEOPLE
Ree Drummond Cooked Up Something Special for Dogs Everywhere to Celebrate National Pet Day  PEOPLE

Is your pet ready for hurricane season? Miami-Dade Animal Services may be able to help - Miami Herald
Is your pet ready for hurricane season? Miami-Dade Animal Services may be able to help  Miami Herald

Major coronavirus variant found in pets for first time - Science Magazine
Major coronavirus variant found in pets for first time  Science Magazine

EarthWise Pet Opens A New Store In Avon Lake - PRNewswire
EarthWise Pet Opens A New Store In Avon Lake  PRNewswire

Pet Project 2021: These animals are available for adoption in shelters across Massachusetts on April 9 - MassLive.com
Pet Project 2021: These animals are available for adoption in shelters across Massachusetts on April 9  MassLive.com

U.S. Pet Market Outlook 2021-2022: Pet Rescue Efforts Ramp Up During Pandemic - ResearchAndMarkets.com - Yahoo Finance
U.S. Pet Market Outlook 2021-2022: Pet Rescue Efforts Ramp Up During Pandemic - ResearchAndMarkets.com  Yahoo Finance

Second Chance Pets: Howard the cat - KOIN.com
Second Chance Pets: Howard the cat  KOIN.com

Watchdog group petitions EPA to ban Seresto pet collar after thousands report harm - USA TODAY
Watchdog group petitions EPA to ban Seresto pet collar after thousands report harm  USA TODAY

Pets Became Purrfect Pals During Pandemic While Startup Funding Didn't Lay Down - Crunchbase News
Pets Became Purrfect Pals During Pandemic While Startup Funding Didn't Lay Down  Crunchbase News

Aggieland Humane Society Pet of the Week: Pigeon - KBTX
Aggieland Humane Society Pet of the Week: Pigeon  KBTX

Reducing its Carbon 'Paw Print': DTC Pet Food Brand, Tailored® Pet, Celebrates Earth Month with Multi-Faceted Green Initiative and Exclusive Money-Saving Offer - The Wellsboro Gazette
Reducing its Carbon 'Paw Print': DTC Pet Food Brand, Tailored® Pet, Celebrates Earth Month with Multi-Faceted Green Initiative and Exclusive Money-Saving Offer  The Wellsboro Gazette

Critter Corner: Many factors involved in pet choice - East Bay Times
Critter Corner: Many factors involved in pet choice  East Bay Times

Bill pending to ban sales of some pets at Springfield pet stores - WESTERNMASSNEWS.com
Bill pending to ban sales of some pets at Springfield pet stores  WESTERNMASSNEWS.com

Pet of the Week - NOLA.com
Pet of the Week  NOLA.com

Pet(s) of the Week: Meet Athena and Fritos! - WKOW
Pet(s) of the Week: Meet Athena and Fritos!  WKOW

Worldwide Veterinary Diagnostics Industry to 2026 - Increasing Pet Ownership and Animal Health Expenditure is Driving Growth - ResearchAndMarkets.com - Business Wire
Worldwide Veterinary Diagnostics Industry to 2026 - Increasing Pet Ownership and Animal Health Expenditure is Driving Growth - ResearchAndMarkets.com  Business Wire

Pandemic Notwithstanding, US Pet Market Surges Past $100 Billion (including over 12 million new best friends) - PRNewswire
Pandemic Notwithstanding, US Pet Market Surges Past $100 Billion (including over 12 million new best friends)  PRNewswire

Pet of the Week: Hopkins - KERO 23ABC News
Pet of the Week: Hopkins  KERO 23ABC News

Salmonella Scare Drives Pet Food Recall - WebMD - WebMD
Salmonella Scare Drives Pet Food Recall - WebMD  WebMD

Mars Petcare adds 2 to Pet Nutrition North America leadership team - williamsonherald.com
Mars Petcare adds 2 to Pet Nutrition North America leadership team  williamsonherald.com

New Model Law Could Put More Bite in Pet Insurance Regulation - Investopedia
New Model Law Could Put More Bite in Pet Insurance Regulation  Investopedia

31 pets recovered from abandoned home after owner dies - ABC6OnYourSide.com
31 pets recovered from abandoned home after owner dies  ABC6OnYourSide.com

Longmont Humane Society pet of the week for April 10, 2021 - Longmont Times-Call
Longmont Humane Society pet of the week for April 10, 2021  Longmont Times-Call

19 puppies rescued from Upper Thomson pet store fire - The Straits Times
19 puppies rescued from Upper Thomson pet store fire  The Straits Times

RSPCA plea after spike in abandoned small pets - expressandstar.com
RSPCA plea after spike in abandoned small pets  expressandstar.com

Solomon wins Gazette pet contest | News | indianagazette.com - Indiana Gazette
Solomon wins Gazette pet contest | News | indianagazette.com  Indiana Gazette

Pet peacock with affinity for people takes residents by surprise - WCVB Boston
Pet peacock with affinity for people takes residents by surprise  WCVB Boston

WA rental crisis sees pets surrendered to shelters and belongings sent to storage - ABC News
WA rental crisis sees pets surrendered to shelters and belongings sent to storage  ABC News

Friends of Jacksonville Animals Pet Project - WJXT News4JAX
Friends of Jacksonville Animals Pet Project  WJXT News4JAX

These Three Beloved Pet Food Brands Are About to Skyrocket in Price | Eat This Not That - Eat This, Not That
These Three Beloved Pet Food Brands Are About to Skyrocket in Price | Eat This Not That  Eat This, Not That

4 Millennial Pet Trends That Boomers Roll Their Eyes At - PureWow
4 Millennial Pet Trends That Boomers Roll Their Eyes At  PureWow

Disabled woman, pet attacked by vicious dogs - WALB
Disabled woman, pet attacked by vicious dogs  WALB

Midwestern Pet Foods Voluntarily Recall Due to Possible Salmonella Health Risk - FDA.gov
Midwestern Pet Foods Voluntarily Recall Due to Possible Salmonella Health Risk  FDA.gov

Petco Imagines Pets as People in Its First Campaign as a Wellness Brand - Adweek
Petco Imagines Pets as People in Its First Campaign as a Wellness Brand  Adweek

Pet Scene: Summit County's adoptable pets for the week of April 4, 2021 - Summit Daily News
Pet Scene: Summit County's adoptable pets for the week of April 4, 2021  Summit Daily News

PHOTOS: Gwinnett Animal Shelter Adoptable Pets of the Week — April 5 - Gwinnettdailypost.com
PHOTOS: Gwinnett Animal Shelter Adoptable Pets of the Week — April 5  Gwinnettdailypost.com

Tampa Bay area pets hoping to find forever homes - Tampa Bay Times
Tampa Bay area pets hoping to find forever homes  Tampa Bay Times

How Families Who Took in Pandemic Pets Are Handling Things Months Later - GoodHousekeeping.com
How Families Who Took in Pandemic Pets Are Handling Things Months Later  GoodHousekeeping.com

National Pet Industry Exceeds Over $100 Billion in Sales for First Time in Industry History - PRNewswire
National Pet Industry Exceeds Over $100 Billion in Sales for First Time in Industry History  PRNewswire

'My pet has helped me so much during the pandemic' - BBC News
'My pet has helped me so much during the pandemic'  BBC News

Does The Global Exotic Pet Trade Favor Invasive Pests? - Forbes
Does The Global Exotic Pet Trade Favor Invasive Pests?  Forbes

There’s a Huge Dog-Food Recall Due to Salmonella Risk to Pets and People - Self
There’s a Huge Dog-Food Recall Due to Salmonella Risk to Pets and People  Self

Marley’s Mutts Monday: Five different pets looking for a loving home! - KGET 17
Marley’s Mutts Monday: Five different pets looking for a loving home!  KGET 17

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