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"Hamsters?!" I hear you say. "Who cares about some fury little rodents." You ignorant little fool, you're pay the price for your stupidity when the Hamsters lead by yours truly will rise up and DESTROY YOUR LAME SPECIES! We are closer to this than you think. While you sleep, we are slowly spreading our influence. At first it was small. After been first discovered in 1930 by zoologist and Professor Aharoni at the University of Jerusalem, in the Syrian Desert, we quickly made our way to all four corners of the globe. With the exception of Hawaii, which does not allow its residents to own a hamster. A law was passed, hoping prevent escaped hamsters from reproducing and messing up the ecosystem. Huh.
Acting as cuddly little pets to children gave us the control of the older ones in the household and thus, our first taste of power! But many of us were used for - and still are - lab experiments, due to our superior disease-free nature and that we have a new litter every month. Since we have an extraordinarily high liking and tolerance for alcohol (our tolerance is equivalent to 40 times the human tolerance in proportion to body weight) experiments have gone as far as scientists who are testing a Chinese herb for its efficacy at curbing alcohol consumption. So if, late one night, you see a run-down drunk hamster on the street, clutching a lamppost for support, you'll know it was done in the name of Science. (http://www.accessexcellence.org/WN/SUA06/alcoham.html) But with our brainwashing skills processing our owners, many showed theIr distaste at such practises and protested against them, which have set us free!
But our secret plans were almost ruined when a game released on the Sega Genesis called "Toe Jam & Earl" featured hamsters in hamster balls as the bad guys in the game. Luckily it sold poorly and thus, not many where exposed to our darkside and any who did, saw it as a joke and thought it was hilarious. Just when we thought it was clear, an episode of "Pinky & The Brain" contained an evil brown hamster that looked like a mobster trying to take over the world. He failed and thus, our cover was secure. We have even got as far as running for US president 2004! (www.hamsterforpresident.com) We were set for world domination! We were to rid you of your corruption and incompetence.
Unfortunately at the last moment, somebody reliesed that Diddley Squat and Bupkes were Hamsters. Nether the less. A new campaign for 2008 is under way and this time we have come prepared. While the facts that our average life span is 3 years and that we are only the size of your hand may seem to count against us, we have carefully created complex messages of propaganda disguised as a music entertainment group (www.hamsterdance.com) which should be much more successful than our last, crude attempts e.g. "Four against Willi", a game show from West Germany. Hosted by German comedian/singer Mike Krueger, where two families of four members would each go head to head in competition, taking part in some zany contests, many of which included hamster-related events, such as running around on a giant wheel. It was cancelled after just a few shows, back in 1987.
And if I say 1000 days instead of 3 years, it sounds much bigger.
Hamster writes for http://www.random-plus.com
Elanco Animal Health, the veterinary sector's fourth-largest company measured by revenue, is poised to leap to number two through a $7.6 billion cash and.
Homeless pets await adoption throughout New Jersey.
Levi, a 6-year-old, all-black, domestic medium hair cat, is available for adoption at the Petsmart in Alhambra through the San Gabriel Valley Humane Society.
Whether you're going away on vacation or just leaving for the day to go to work, it's important to have a plan before you leave your fury friends behind.
MISSION, Kan., Aug. 20, 2019 /PRNewswire/ -- (Family Features) When structured school days and hours away from home return to the schedule, all members ...
How to look at the pros and cons of bringing your pets along for vacation.
Companies in Japan that allow employees to bring their pets to the workplace are drawing attention and even enjoying unexpected benefits.
Cabin hosts can even offer natural flower essences to mix with pets' drinking water to aid relaxation during the flight.
While many people shop for their pets, there are many pets in shelters waiting for their forever homes.
Animal advocates want every shelter pet to live to find its forever home, and they hope a new tool will help connect people with the animals most in need.
I have a dog in the house. He doesn't live here, he just came to visit. And I have a family of feral cats living in my back yard. The momma cat.
In late June, sun beating down, people stood in line outside the Harris County Animal Shelter waiting to surrender their pets or turn in a stray. The shelter was ...
As Californians, we've long accepted that earthquakes can hit anytime, anywhere. When that immovable, solid earth suddenly shifts beneath you, it can be scary ...
Pet Paradise reports one of the two cats that were missing following a Sunday evening fire has been found.
In what appears to be a desperate act to find “the one,” people looking for love are deceiving potential love interests in an act called “dogfishing.”
Staff said this became problematic for a number of reasons.
A reward is now being offered for two pets last seen running from a fire at a Charlottesville boarding facility.
Firefighters worked to rescue dozens of dogs and cats from a fire inside Pet Paradise on Sunday evening.
Firefighters worked to rescue dozens of dogs and cats from a fire inside Pet Paradise Sunday evening.
Erin Bokuniewicz, a pet expert at Pet Supplies Plus, shares her tips and hacks for a fun and safe road trip with your dog.
Are you being careful enough with the photos you post online? You may think you are, but your pet photos might tell a different story.
If you are looking for a pet to add to your family, be on the lookout for scams. As more consumers turn to the internet to find new pets, more people are becoming ...
The San Diego Humane Society reminded residents Tuesday to avoid bringing pets on hikes during periods of hot weather to protect them from heatstroke.
Evanston fire crews found a first floor unit on fire when they arrived at a four-story courtyard apartment building early this evening.
When pet owners walk into Healing Tails, a veterinary physical rehabilitation and holistic medicine clinic in the South Loop, treatment options for their beloved ...
This week's Pet Pointer is to educate people not play vet if their pets are injured. So often owners will treat their pets with human medicine. Dr. Melanie DeHaan ...
Mandan City Commissioners on Tuesday voted to tighten rules for parking trailers and campers on city streets and approved banning dogs and cats from two ...
BestReviews is highlighting some unbeatable pet deals this weekend in honor of the nationwide Clear the Shelters adoption event on Saturday, Aug. 17.
This last weekend's Clear the Shelters event was an all-hands-on deck kind of day, with dozens of staff and volunteers making good use of their match-making ...
The event was publicized all over the country and had the potential of being our most successful day ever in pet adoptions.
CORPUS CHRISTI, Texas — This week on Paws for Pets, Kristin Diaz visits The Cattery Cat Shelter. Tuesday's featured cat is Rhodes who is 4 months old and ...
Rodney and Erika McLeod introduce us to their English Bulldog, Ceasar, who apparently has DeSean Jackson speed.
Out Here with Animals event celebrates community partners and local animal organizations Aug. 24. On Saturday, Aug. 24, Bossier City Tractor Supply ...
Bedding, jewelry, toys, treats — the annual convention draws more than 1000 exhibitors.
Nearly 50 shelter pets from El Paso are flying out of the Borderland ------ in hopes that they find a new, loving home. The El Paso Animal Services will be taking ...
World Pet Association's SuperZoo trade show for pet retailers and product suppliers sees raw/*fresh* pet food, nutritional advice and supplements and digital tools ...
WILLISTON, N.D. - Williston's Mayor Howard Klug encouraging animal adoption as area's surrendered pets increase. Mayor Klug recently adopted a dog from ...
NEW YORK, Aug. 20, 2019 /PRNewswire/ -- Innovative Japanese mattress brand, Airweave, announces the launch of the airweave Dog Bed. The Dog Bed is ...
WILMINGTON — Best friends Bandit and Sparky were running out of lives and luck, until the rescue organization All 4 Cats (A4C) offered them a second…
The SurFUR ComPETition will take place today in Waikiki at Duke's OceanFest. In front of the famous statue of surf legend Duke Kahanamoku, four-legged ...
Giving your pet some serious filmmaker chops, the PetNow turns your dog into a director of their very own film! The camera attaches to a harness, capturing your ...
Plan to prevent 5000 primates being caged in UK comes ahead of possible general election.
Santa Clarita's Tractor Supply Co. is inviting community members and their leashed, friendly animals to celebrate the company's annual Out Here with Animals ...
Over 1800 pets were adopted at Chicago-area animal shelters since late July as part of NBC and Telemundo's Clear the Shelters initiative, and more than 500 ...
Another Hampshire county pond has been closed to the public after health officials found more algae in the waters.
In the town of Saco, there is a real pet cemetery, but don't mistake it for the horror dreamed up by Maine author Stephen King.
Brenda Bartlett from Village Pets Supplies. 2268 Sans Souci Parkway Wilkes-Barre, PA 18706 570-735-5905 Facebook: @villagepetsupplies.
Dogs are less susceptible to plague than cats, but may pick up fleas that can infect other animals and people.
Shelter pets await adoption across the Garden State.
Clear the Shelters Day was Saturday, August 17, 2019, and it was a huge success for the Humane Society of Vero Beach & Indian River County. The local non- .
Erica Eriksdotter always paints the eyes first. “The eyes are the most important part,” Eriksdotter said of her hand-painted portraits of dead or dying pets.
Several states across the United States ban misrepresenting pets as *service* animals.
TEWKSBURY, Mass., Aug. 20, 2019 /PRNewswire/ -- Grains are making a grand entrance into the Wellness® CORE® family of high-protein recipes for pets, as.
On Tinder, Avery Chuang developed a bad habit: She almost always swiped right on guys with a ridiculously adorable dog photo. It's not a high standard to go ...
When FL4K was announced as the fourth playable Vault Hunter in the upcoming Borderlands 3, the excitement was palpable. Opening up rifts to teleport pets, ...
Wildlife officials are warning Boston pet owners to be vigilant after a bobcat was spotted at a West Roxbury park Sunday and might be living nearby.
Meet James, KCBD's Pet of the Day with Lubbock Animal Services. James is a 1.5-year-old pittie mix who has been with LAS since November.
For a lot of pet owners, the perfect trip may involve bringing Fido or Chloe with you - but flying with pets can be an adventure in and of itself. If you are traveling ...
What better way to explore New York than with your four-legged best friend? Here's are the city's most pet-friendly hotels.
Pet owners are warned to keep dogs out of Pillings Pond following reports of toxic blue-green algae blooms. (Courtesy Realtor.com). LYNNFIELD — Public ...
Pet owners and their four legged friends enjoyed a fun summer event with Santa Claus at the Good Dog Spot in Northampton.
Pet owners are being warned not to feed their pets any of the Texas Tripe brand raw frozen pet food listed below, because several samples of Texas Tripe.
The Transportation Security Administration is looking for the owner of a nonvenomous snake that was found near a security checkpoint at Newark Liberty ...
Firefighters and emergency medical teams in New York state will not have to wait for the police to arrive to remove a pet from a dangerously hot or cold car.
Having two pets of different species can be a handful and although it's possible to care for both animals, there's no guarantee they'll get along.
The $636 million pet supplement industry is fueled by the greatest suckers of all: millennial dog owners, like me.
Dogs owners, particularly in the southern U.S., are being warned to keep their animals away from ponds and lakes where blooms of blue-green algae could be ...
At all three shelters, those who came looking for new pet arrived bubbling with enthusiasm and excited to take home a new four legged friend.
A woman who says she was sacked on the same day her family dog died has started a campaign for bereavement leave when employees lose their pets.
Baby, it's hot outside, and considering that climate change is intensifying, it's only going to get hotter -- and longer. So how can you keep your pets and other ...
Toxic algae in ponds killed four dogs in neighboring states in a matter of hours last week. Here's how to keep you, and your dogs, safe.
Watching your dog bound over to lick your face every time you walk in the door is a pretty awesome perk of having a pet. But you know what's not so awesome?
FORT WORTH (CBSDFW.COM) – The Humane Society of North Texas says three separate cases of inappropriate and inhumane surrenders of pets last week ...
HOUSTON, Texas — Shelters across the country united Saturday to host a nation-wide adoption event called "Clear the Shelters." It's the words the Martinez ...
Hundreds of pets found forever homes during Saturday's 2019 Clear the Shelters event in South Florida.
What's better than going on vacation? Bringing your fur baby along for the fun, of course. But before you make travel plans that involve your pet, know that having ...
Today is the day! NBC 5 and Telemundo Chicago teamed up with animal shelters across the Chicago area to help pets in need find fur-ever homes. It's all part of ...
CARMEL, Ind. - Pets, vets and Corvettes! You could see it all at the 8th annual Corvette Show in Carmel benefiting the Pets Healing Vets program. Hundreds of ...
LANSING, Mich. (WLNS)– The team at Capital Area Humane Society had one goal today: to cross off every name on their 'adoptable pets' list. “Sometimes ...
Walk through any plant nursery in South Texas and you will likely see sago palms for sale. They are popular and evergreen landscape plants suitable for ...
Sometimes the way you talk to your dog can impact how well it listens and behaves. Plus, you could be feeding your pet too much.
DAYTON, Ohio (WDTN) – Here are some photos of some of the animals you could rescue (or be rescued by) on Clear The Shelters day! These loveable shelter ...
NORTH MYRTLE BEACH, SC (WBTW) – The City of North Myrtle Beach has approved an ordinance that would ban the sale of pets and limits dog tethering.
Hundreds of animals -- dogs, cats, bunnies, pigeons, guinea pigs and more -- will be available this Saturday at NBC 7 and Telemundo 20's annual Clear The ...
Luca is a calm, mellow dog who likes people and is looking for a quiet home to call her own.
When a beloved pet gets lost, it's a tough situation for the whole family. That's why a Cape Coral woman has donated her time to reunite more than 1,000 pets ...
Dear Savvy Senior,. I own two dogs and a cat that I would do almost anything for, but expensive veterinary bills put a strain on my budget. Is pet insurance a ...
Clear the Shelters, a nationwide effort, is on Aug. 17, 2019. All of these dogs, cats and guinea pigs are available for adoption through Front Street Animal Shelter ...
A Labour government would introduce a “total ban” on keeping or selling monkeys as pets, the party has announced. There are an estimated 5,000 primates ...
A tortoise named Tommy has become the world's oldest living pet after celebrating her 121st birthday this week — and boy, has she seen a thing or two.
August 18, 2019 11:32 AM. Loving animals finally found a new home. NBC and Telemundo owned stations teamed up with hundreds of shelters across the ...
It just doesn't seem right to leave your pet at home while fly off to Hawaii or road trip down to Florida – especially if they'd love the destination as much as you do.
What started as a routine visit to the pet groomer turned into shock and anger for a local dog owner. Graziella Puleo said she took her Goldendoodle named Lola ...
The "Pet Wearable Market Size, Share & Trends Analysis Report By Technology , By Application , And Segment Forecasts, 2019 - 2025" report has been added ...
People who falsely claim their pet is a *service* animal could soon face criminal charges in Alabama.
The knock on Dani Guill's door came in early May. It was a zoning compliance officer, there to investigate a complaint from a neighbor. Word was that a pig lived ...
A chance conversation let an Oswego County Boy Scout to start a community *service* project that will help homeless and needy pets,, and earn him Scouting's ...
Residents of a shelter for those fleeing domestic violence no longer have to live apart from their pets when they leave an abusive partner. The Choices for ...
It should go without saying that pet owners want to find the best food, treats, toys, and products to make their pets happy. Thankfully, there's a ton of tech catered ...
On Saturday, August 17, Noise Pop will host its annual 20th Street Block party from 12 to 6 p.m. This year, the free music and food festival is collaborating with ...
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