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Hamsters and their quest for world domination


"Hamsters?!" I hear you say. "Who cares about some fury little rodents." You ignorant little fool, you're pay the price for your stupidity when the Hamsters lead by yours truly will rise up and DESTROY YOUR LAME SPECIES! We are closer to this than you think. While you sleep, we are slowly spreading our influence. At first it was small. After been first discovered in 1930 by zoologist and Professor Aharoni at the University of Jerusalem, in the Syrian Desert, we quickly made our way to all four corners of the globe. With the exception of Hawaii, which does not allow its residents to own a hamster. A law was passed, hoping prevent escaped hamsters from reproducing and messing up the ecosystem. Huh.

Acting as cuddly little pets to children gave us the control of the older ones in the household and thus, our first taste of power! But many of us were used for - and still are - lab experiments, due to our superior disease-free nature and that we have a new litter every month. Since we have an extraordinarily high liking and tolerance for alcohol (our tolerance is equivalent to 40 times the human tolerance in proportion to body weight) experiments have gone as far as scientists who are testing a Chinese herb for its efficacy at curbing alcohol consumption. So if, late one night, you see a run-down drunk hamster on the street, clutching a lamppost for support, you'll know it was done in the name of Science. (http://www.accessexcellence.org/WN/SUA06/alcoham.html) But with our brainwashing skills processing our owners, many showed theIr distaste at such practises and protested against them, which have set us free!

But our secret plans were almost ruined when a game released on the Sega Genesis called "Toe Jam & Earl" featured hamsters in hamster balls as the bad guys in the game. Luckily it sold poorly and thus, not many where exposed to our darkside and any who did, saw it as a joke and thought it was hilarious. Just when we thought it was clear, an episode of "Pinky & The Brain" contained an evil brown hamster that looked like a mobster trying to take over the world. He failed and thus, our cover was secure. We have even got as far as running for US president 2004! (www.hamsterforpresident.com) We were set for world domination! We were to rid you of your corruption and incompetence.

Unfortunately at the last moment, somebody reliesed that Diddley Squat and Bupkes were Hamsters. Nether the less. A new campaign for 2008 is under way and this time we have come prepared. While the facts that our average life span is 3 years and that we are only the size of your hand may seem to count against us, we have carefully created complex messages of propaganda disguised as a music entertainment group (www.hamsterdance.com) which should be much more successful than our last, crude attempts e.g. "Four against Willi", a game show from West Germany. Hosted by German comedian/singer Mike Krueger, where two families of four members would each go head to head in competition, taking part in some zany contests, many of which included hamster-related events, such as running around on a giant wheel. It was cancelled after just a few shows, back in 1987.

And if I say 1000 days instead of 3 years, it sounds much bigger.

Hamster writes for http://www.random-plus.com


TODAYS NEWS BY OFFICEJAX FREE ADVERTISING AND AD EXCHANGE SOLUTIONSMORE PETS INFORMATION RESOURCES updated Mon. June / 01 / 2020

What heading back to the office means for our pets - Phys.org
What heading back to the office means for our pets  Phys.org

Free Pet Happiness Parenting Basics Plan and eCourse to Help Pets and Their Families During These COVID-19 Lifestyle Changes - PRNewswire
Free Pet Happiness Parenting Basics Plan and eCourse to Help Pets and Their Families During These COVID-19 Lifestyle Changes  PRNewswire

Top 5 Things-to-Do to Prepare Your Pet for Hurricane Season - Grand Island Independent
Top 5 Things-to-Do to Prepare Your Pet for Hurricane Season  Grand Island Independent

Hurricane 2020: A veterinarian on protecting pets from the storm and virus | Column - Tampa Bay Times
Hurricane 2020: A veterinarian on protecting pets from the storm and virus | Column  Tampa Bay Times

Pets of the week: June 1 - White County News
Pets of the week: June 1  White County News

East Bay pets of the week for June 5 - East Bay Times
East Bay pets of the week for June 5  East Bay Times

Humane Society Silicon Valley helps pets affected by pandemic - The Mercury News
Humane Society Silicon Valley helps pets affected by pandemic  The Mercury News

Pet Anxiety Awareness Month - WFLA
Pet Anxiety Awareness Month  WFLA

Pets find homes during pandemic - Journal Times
Pets find homes during pandemic  Journal Times

Dakin Humane Society: Pets offer companionship during pandemic - MassLive.com
Dakin Humane Society: Pets offer companionship during pandemic  MassLive.com

Pets galore, the selection of big hearts grows - Knox VillageSoup - Courier-Gazette & Camden Herald
Pets galore, the selection of big hearts grows - Knox VillageSoup  Courier-Gazette & Camden Herald

A Paws for Health: Allergies Spring Symptoms For Our Pets - 9 & 10 News - 9&10 News
A Paws for Health: Allergies Spring Symptoms For Our Pets - 9 & 10 News  9&10 News

Rufty-Holmes Senior Center hands out Companion Pets - Salisbury Post - Salisbury Post
Rufty-Holmes Senior Center hands out Companion Pets - Salisbury Post  Salisbury Post

Drive-up microchipping for pets - KFYR-TV
Drive-up microchipping for pets  KFYR-TV

PET SENSE: What happens to our pets when we go back to work for the new normal? - Shoreline Times
PET SENSE: What happens to our pets when we go back to work for the new normal?  Shoreline Times

Cornerstone Animal Hospital -Our pets are an important part of our families and they receive quality care (052920) - KSNF/KODE - FourStatesHomepage.com
Cornerstone Animal Hospital -Our pets are an important part of our families and they receive quality care (052920)  KSNF/KODE - FourStatesHomepage.com

RACC starts shelter pet video conference program - WWBT NBC12 News
RACC starts shelter pet video conference program  WWBT NBC12 News

Lost Dog, Boston Terrier in West End (Juniper Ridge area) - Southern Pines Pilot
Lost Dog, Boston Terrier in West End (Juniper Ridge area)  Southern Pines Pilot

Queens' first Pet Food Pantry to offer relief to animal owners struggling amid COVID-19 pandemic - QNS.com
Queens' first Pet Food Pantry to offer relief to animal owners struggling amid COVID-19 pandemic  QNS.com

Adorable Adoptable Pets Of The Week From Anne Arundel SPCA - Anne Arundel, MD Patch
Adorable Adoptable Pets Of The Week From Anne Arundel SPCA  Anne Arundel, MD Patch

Pets of the Week: May 30, 2020 - Washington Daily News - thewashingtondailynews.com
Pets of the Week: May 30, 2020 - Washington Daily News  thewashingtondailynews.com

Hug your pets and stay safe sign.jpg - The Macomb Daily
Hug your pets and stay safe sign.jpg  The Macomb Daily

Halifax Humane Society's Pets of the Week for June 4 - Ormond Beach Observer
Halifax Humane Society's Pets of the Week for June 4  Ormond Beach Observer

Pets’ obesity, muscle problems increase due to inactivity in COVID-19 outbreak | Daily Sabah - Daily Sabah
Pets’ obesity, muscle problems increase due to inactivity in COVID-19 outbreak | Daily Sabah  Daily Sabah

KCBD’s Pet of the Day: Meet Chuck - KCBD
KCBD’s Pet of the Day: Meet Chuck  KCBD

Michelle's Pet Sitting Service - Pleasanton, CA Patch - Patch.com
Michelle's Pet Sitting Service - Pleasanton, CA Patch  Patch.com

Survey shows benefits of pet ownership during pandemic - Atlanta Journal Constitution
Survey shows benefits of pet ownership during pandemic  Atlanta Journal Constitution

Keep your pets cool! Tips to keep them safe during the heatwave - KUTV 2News
Keep your pets cool! Tips to keep them safe during the heatwave  KUTV 2News

Potsdam animal shelter adoption rate consistent through pandemic; pets still ready for adoption - North Country Now
Potsdam animal shelter adoption rate consistent through pandemic; pets still ready for adoption  North Country Now

Robin's Nest: Adapting for your home and pet - Montclair Local
Robin's Nest: Adapting for your home and pet  Montclair Local

Gallery: Pets of the week: Meet Kenny - nwitimes.com
Gallery: Pets of the week: Meet Kenny  nwitimes.com

Pet Of The Week And Free Food For Pets - The Transylvania Times
Pet Of The Week And Free Food For Pets  The Transylvania Times

Super-rich go after £11,000 savannah cats for pets - Tatler
Super-rich go after £11,000 savannah cats for pets  Tatler

Should you be quarantining with your pets? - Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
Should you be quarantining with your pets?  Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

Pandemic pets: How to take care of that newly adopted quarantine companion - The Mercury News
Pandemic pets: How to take care of that newly adopted quarantine companion  The Mercury News

Animal Welfare League of Alexandria distributes 5K pounds of free pet supplies during coronavirus pandemic - WTOP
Animal Welfare League of Alexandria distributes 5K pounds of free pet supplies during coronavirus pandemic  WTOP

Sherrill native offers pet euthanasia service - Oneida Dispatch
Sherrill native offers pet euthanasia service  Oneida Dispatch

Firefighters battle fire at Princeton pet shop - MyWebTimes.com
Firefighters battle fire at Princeton pet shop  MyWebTimes.com

My Pet Pal: Lady - News from southeastern Connecticut - theday.com
My Pet Pal: Lady - News from southeastern Connecticut  theday.com

Woman dies in fire at Midland pet kennel - CBS7 News
Woman dies in fire at Midland pet kennel  CBS7 News

This is what happens to the pets left behind when their owners die from coronavirus - CNN
This is what happens to the pets left behind when their owners die from coronavirus  CNN

Families Foster Classroom Pets During Coronavirus Shutdown - NPR
Families Foster Classroom Pets During Coronavirus Shutdown  NPR

Are you paying more attention to your dog or cat during coronavirus quarantine? You're not alone, survey shows - USA TODAY
Are you paying more attention to your dog or cat during coronavirus quarantine? You're not alone, survey shows  USA TODAY

Mass. Pets Getting Seriously Hurt in Grooming Mishaps, Veterinarians Say - nbcboston.com
Mass. Pets Getting Seriously Hurt in Grooming Mishaps, Veterinarians Say  nbcboston.com

Give Back Thursday: H.O.P.E. For Animals – low cost vet for pets - WANE
Give Back Thursday: H.O.P.E. For Animals – low cost vet for pets  WANE

Prevent damage, danger from rabbits' habits: Pet Connection - GoErie.com
Prevent damage, danger from rabbits' habits: Pet Connection  GoErie.com

Your quarantined pet may be acting odd. Here’s how to help. - The Washington Post
Your quarantined pet may be acting odd. Here’s how to help.  The Washington Post

Local pet kennel comes to aid of victims of abuse and their pets - Steamboat Pilot & Today
Local pet kennel comes to aid of victims of abuse and their pets  Steamboat Pilot & Today

Pet of the Week: Yellow lab will make a loyal pet - WKRG News 5
Pet of the Week: Yellow lab will make a loyal pet  WKRG News 5

Pets strange behavior amid COVID-19 - 11Alive.com WXIA
Pets strange behavior amid COVID-19  11Alive.com WXIA

Expert Tips on How to Keep Pets Happy and Safe at Home During the Coronavirus Pandemic - PEOPLE
Expert Tips on How to Keep Pets Happy and Safe at Home During the Coronavirus Pandemic  PEOPLE

Thief makes off with dozens of puppies and birds from Bronx pet store - New York Post
Thief makes off with dozens of puppies and birds from Bronx pet store  New York Post

Coronavirus and pets: Scams exploit animal lovers in crisis - Los Angeles Times
Coronavirus and pets: Scams exploit animal lovers in crisis  Los Angeles Times

Local veterinarians seeing an increase of pets with snake bites - WBRC
Local veterinarians seeing an increase of pets with snake bites  WBRC

Adopting a Pet From a Shelter in California: What You Need to Know - The New York Times
Adopting a Pet From a Shelter in California: What You Need to Know  The New York Times

Limelight Pet Project: Meet Cyrus! - Q13 News Seattle
Limelight Pet Project: Meet Cyrus!  Q13 News Seattle

Veterinarians reveal the biggest mistakes you're making when buying toys for your pets - Insider - INSIDER
Veterinarians reveal the biggest mistakes you're making when buying toys for your pets - Insider  INSIDER

PET recycling technologies get EU nod - Plastics Recycling Update
PET recycling technologies get EU nod  Plastics Recycling Update

A Guide for First-Time Pet Owners During the Pandemic - The New York Times
A Guide for First-Time Pet Owners During the Pandemic  The New York Times

How to adopt your next pet safely and virtually - The Verge
How to adopt your next pet safely and virtually  The Verge

Virus delays flooding solutions at Austin Pets Alive! building - KXAN.com
Virus delays flooding solutions at Austin Pets Alive! building  KXAN.com

Play ideas to keep your pet active and alert - Daijiworld.com
Play ideas to keep your pet active and alert  Daijiworld.com

N.J. pets in need: May 25, 2020 - nj.com
N.J. pets in need: May 25, 2020  nj.com

Pet Sustainability Coalition Welcomes New Board and Staff Members - PetProductNews.com
Pet Sustainability Coalition Welcomes New Board and Staff Members  PetProductNews.com

How's your pet's life in quarantine? - Herald-Mail Media
How's your pet's life in quarantine?  Herald-Mail Media

Here are the latest label offerings that help out PET recycling - Plastics Recycling Update
Here are the latest label offerings that help out PET recycling  Plastics Recycling Update

First-ever national virtual pet super adoption hopes to place thousands of pets - KUTV 2News
First-ever national virtual pet super adoption hopes to place thousands of pets  KUTV 2News

Pets and the Humans Who Loved Them - The Wall Street Journal
Pets and the Humans Who Loved Them  The Wall Street Journal

How to Make Your Garden Safe for Pets - 7 Unexpected Solutions for a Pet-Safe Garden - HouseBeautiful.com
How to Make Your Garden Safe for Pets - 7 Unexpected Solutions for a Pet-Safe Garden  HouseBeautiful.com

Adopt-a-Pet June 1 - Chadds Ford Live - Chadds Ford Live
Adopt-a-Pet June 1 - Chadds Ford Live  Chadds Ford Live

DIGGING DEEPER: Pandemic pet problem - KVOA Tucson News
DIGGING DEEPER: Pandemic pet problem  KVOA Tucson News

The best virtual veterinary services for your pets - Insider - INSIDER
The best virtual veterinary services for your pets - Insider  INSIDER

Cats, Dogs and COVID: How Safe Are Your Pets? - WebMD
Cats, Dogs and COVID: How Safe Are Your Pets?  WebMD

Is it safe to take your pet to groomers as states reopen? Here’s what experts say - Miami Herald
Is it safe to take your pet to groomers as states reopen? Here’s what experts say  Miami Herald

Pet of the week: Meet Joe - The Willits News
Pet of the week: Meet Joe  The Willits News

Thinking Of Adopting A Pet? Here Are Tips To Help You Find A New Furry Friend - WBUR
Thinking Of Adopting A Pet? Here Are Tips To Help You Find A New Furry Friend  WBUR

How to tell your dog or cat that Beshear said it's OK to leave and go back to work now - Courier Journal
How to tell your dog or cat that Beshear said it's OK to leave and go back to work now  Courier Journal

Pet of the week: Meet Snoop - The Willits News
Pet of the week: Meet Snoop  The Willits News

How coronavirus quarantine is changing life — and vet treatment — for your pet - IndyStar
How coronavirus quarantine is changing life — and vet treatment — for your pet  IndyStar

How Safe Are Pets from Coronavirus? - Bloomberg
How Safe Are Pets from Coronavirus?  Bloomberg

Man arrested while attempting to save animals during Princeton pet-store fire - Peoria Journal Star
Man arrested while attempting to save animals during Princeton pet-store fire  Peoria Journal Star

Are people with pets less likely to die if they catch Covid-19? - Inverse
Are people with pets less likely to die if they catch Covid-19?  Inverse

Helen Woodward Animal Center Adopt a Pet: Dany - - KUSI
Helen Woodward Animal Center Adopt a Pet: Dany -  KUSI

Healthy pets, happy humans - The Daily Planet
Healthy pets, happy humans  The Daily Planet

Power of pets: Exploring psychological effects of adding a dog to the family - OCRegister
Power of pets: Exploring psychological effects of adding a dog to the family  OCRegister

Moment of Paws: About your pets and the pandemic - Dorchester Reporter
Moment of Paws: About your pets and the pandemic  Dorchester Reporter

5 Tips for Bringing a New Pet Home - GlobeNewswire
5 Tips for Bringing a New Pet Home  GlobeNewswire

Houston nonprofit launches free pet boarding program to aid survivors of domestic violence - KPRC Click2Houston
Houston nonprofit launches free pet boarding program to aid survivors of domestic violence  KPRC Click2Houston

Allegro is this week's adoptable pet with the Chemung County SPCA - WENY-TV
Allegro is this week's adoptable pet with the Chemung County SPCA  WENY-TV

Pets provide companionship. Consider adopting a pet who needs you - Desert Sun
Pets provide companionship. Consider adopting a pet who needs you  Desert Sun

Pet trainers finding innovative ways during pandemic to teach new pet owners old tricks - Manchester Ink Link
Pet trainers finding innovative ways during pandemic to teach new pet owners old tricks  Manchester Ink Link

18 products that actually remove pet hair - USA TODAY
18 products that actually remove pet hair  USA TODAY

Some People Are Abandoning Their Pets During Pandemic as Animal Anxiety Spreads - Yahoo News
Some People Are Abandoning Their Pets During Pandemic as Animal Anxiety Spreads  Yahoo News

CDC shares latest advice on catching coronavirus from surfaces, pets - SILive.com
CDC shares latest advice on catching coronavirus from surfaces, pets  SILive.com

How do we prepare our pets for life post-COVID? - ABC News
How do we prepare our pets for life post-COVID?  ABC News

Pet dementia can affect any animal - NW Evening Mail
Pet dementia can affect any animal  NW Evening Mail

Boy Scout Ryan Kindle builds neighborhood pet pit stop - CapeGazette.com
Boy Scout Ryan Kindle builds neighborhood pet pit stop  CapeGazette.com

PET/MRI shows inflammation link to mitral valve prolapse - AuntMinnie
PET/MRI shows inflammation link to mitral valve prolapse  AuntMinnie

Pets Choice and StreetVet mark partnership milestone - Pet Gazette
Pets Choice and StreetVet mark partnership milestone  Pet Gazette

It's Time to Choose the Cutest Pet in Dallas for 2020 - D Magazine
It's Time to Choose the Cutest Pet in Dallas for 2020  D Magazine

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